For The Best
by friendofdobby
Summary: Harry and Hermione got together in their last year, but she soon left him heartbroken and alone. Now he's found her - will what she kept from him still keep them apart? My first fan fic - probably not very good but here goes... [R in case]Now complete.
1. A midnight surprise

Disclaimer: Not mine

FOR THE BEST

Chapter 1 A MIDNIGHT SURPRISE

"Mummy..."

"Yes darling?"

"Will I get to go to Hogwarts like Jonathan?"

"Of course you will dear – just as soon as you're old enough."

They were sat together watching muggle television – not an unusual occurrence on a Sunday evening.

"Well, will we move to England then – like Jonathan and Aunty Mary?"

At this the twenty-six year old single mother silently sighed. This issue had after all plagued her thoughts all the more in recent months and she half-wondered if her son had some seer blood in him, before quickly dismissing this thought as preposterous.

"... Mummy?" came the polite voice of her seven-year-old son.

"Sorry sweetheart – just thinking... I-er- I think we probably will move to England like Aunty Mary and Uncle Euan-yes" she said, planting a little kiss on his head, before adding "we'll just have to see".

"OK Mummy" the happy little voice replied.

"Two more minutes then up to brush your teeth." Hermione said to her baby boy before raising herself of the settee.

"Can't I stay up a little?" he pleaded, sitting and turning in the settee to look at his mother, his green eyes shining brightly.

"Of course you can Jamie darling" He smiled – she kissed his head again "but just two more minutes" and the beautiful smile disappeared.

As Hermione looked at the sleeping form of her baby angel later on that evening she wondered for what seemed like the millionth time, whether she had done the right thing. She was a very smart women she knew, but at this moment in time she felt totally lost, desolate and very unintelligent for having such huge doubts about the majority of her adult life. She shouldn't dwell she told herself fiercely – what's done is done you can't undo it Hermione Granger, whether you want to or not. She turned from Jamie's room and went into the kitchen to make herself a hot drink. Did she really regret what she'd done? Not Jamie she knew. But living here – in Paris of all places? Maybe, she thought. She missed a lot of things... her home... her friends... she poured the hot water in the mug... the castle... The Burrow.

As she stirred the cup she tried to think of all the things she liked about her new life – Jamie, Mary, Euan and little Jon... although they were going to England to make sure Jon was settled before he was ready for Hogwarts... she liked her job – well she didn't hate it and it paid the bills... she had a favourite café and place in the park where she would take Jamie to play. Her mind kept drifting and she examined her real feelings – _you don't like your life Hermione Granger! Only the things that are connected to your little boy bring you any joy and you are supposed to be in your favourite city in the world! What are you running from??_

"Nothing!" She said out loud, knowing as she said it, that it simply wasn't true but, for a change, she couldn't seem to drown out the voice.

_Oh pull yourself together you silly girl – you're just lonely – why don't you chat to a friend?_ Yes she thought – I'll floo Ron.

_NO!_

She inhaled loudly – it had been a long _long_ time since she'd thought that and it suddenly made her immensely sad. _You can't do that you silly girl – he hates you remember!!!_ She remembered. _And you don't blame him_. She didn't. _You wouldn't ever talk to him again if he'd treated Harry like that_. She wouldn't, she silently admitted to herself as a single tear rolled down her cheek. _Why?_ Came the little voice inside her head. _It was for the best... for Harry's own good..._But was it? She wasn't sure anymore. She was lonely. Jamie made her more happy then she'd ever believed possible when she found out that he was on his way, but he was seven years of age and she wanted an adult to talk to. Mary had only moved a week ago and Hermione already felt that her life had drastically changed and not for the better.

She'd always had difficulty making friends – even at Hogwarts. _It took a troll to help you find Ron and Harry – remember?_ She remembered only too well and she savoured those precious Hogwarts memories and she sat on the couch and cried into her cup. Mary though, had seen that the day Hermione had first entered the office. She'd taken her under her wing and settled her in and made her feel comfortable with her new life – but now after seven-odd years her and her husband had left for England. When Mary had told her off their plans, Hermione had wanted to cry, but she took it on the chin so to speak and tried to bury her head in her work. She reflected now, as she sat in front of the bright fire that this had helped in stopping the pain of Mary and her family leaving Paris, but ultimately had the effect of making her examine her own life in painful detail.

She'd reached the simple conclusion that she had had enough of Paris, and whilst desperate to return to England she knew she couldn't. The only option then, was simple, she and Jamie were going to move and America seemed like a good, fresh start.

_You're running away Hermione! You're running away..._ Hermione stirred on the settee, still half asleep... _You're running away from me Hermione – why? What did I do? _The voice yelled in her head – she woke with a start –

"Mummy?" came a quiet voice from the foot of the stairs

Hermione's head spun around – "Jamie... what are you doing out of bed sweetheart?

"There's an owl at the window and it woke me up" he said sleepily, rubbing his eyes.

She walked over to him, lifted him in her arms and kissed his jet-black hair. He snuggled into her and she held him tightly. By the time she laid his head on the pillow he was already asleep again, and with one last kiss she turned to deal with the night-time visitor. She rubbed her weary shoulders before opening the latch on her bedroom window. Immediately a small chocolate brown owl popped his head inside the window, and hooted playfully.

"Hello there" Hermione said kindly "now what have you got for me then?"

Hermione took the small envelope and petted the owl before it twittered off into the night. She turned it over and almost staggered back into a nearby chair when she caught sight of the handwriting.


	2. Ron's Confession

CHAPTER 2

**Ron's Confession**

"I DON'T CARE RON! HOW THE BLOODY HELL COULD YOU KEEP THIS FROM ME?"

Ron looked sorry beyond belief, but said nothing as Harry continued to yell –

"YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MY BEST FRIEND..." Harry continued throwing things into a battered trunk – "AFTER EVERYTHING-EVERYTHING RON- THAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH HOW COULD YOU? HOW?" Now Harry whirled on Ron, and he looked slightly afraid, as he sat wearily on the edge of Harry's bed.

After a few minutes of silence, Harry said loudly [although not yelling] "How long have you known where she is?"

Ron looked his best friend in the eyes and said simply "if you sit down and stop yelling I will tell you everything I know – I promise".

Harry sat, his anger not fully abated but his desire for the truth taking over, and waited for Ron to begin. Ron shifted uncomfortably before he spoke-

"Er... I – I just want you to know mate that whatever I did- it was only to stop you any further pain-

Harry snorted contemptuously, but let Ron continue-

"- I know you won't believe that but I wanted to say it all the same because it is the truth." Ron stopped and looked right at Harry who stared back, unblinking.

"When Hermione left you I didn't know where she'd gone – I promise. Those six months after she broke your heart you were – frankly – so awful to live with that had I known where she was I would have raised Voldermort to get you to her."

Harry looked at Ron, mouth agape. He was actually still quite proud of Ron for using the name, despite the fact that Harry had defeated Voldermort eight and a half years previously and knew [as far as any of them could] that he wasn't going to return. That was before he remembered why he was angry with Ron in the first place. He scowled again.

"Anyway... as time went on and the years passed I thought you would get over her – I know it was Hermione – our Hermione – but- well I thought, after how badly she hurt you, that you would find a way to let her go. I prayed you would Harry – we all did and little-by-little it seemed you were starting too."

"_Seemed being the operative word" _added Harry silently

"... so... when I found out where she was – I decided I wouldn't tell you- Harry started, but Ron continued "BUT I would first go to see Hermione first..."

There was silence for a second and then – "You've seen her- how is she? Does she still hate me? Will she see me? How long-"

"HARRY!" Ron bellowed to stop Harry's babbling. Harry was silent.

"I went to see her a little less that two years ago. I found out she was working for a wizard paper in Paris. I just turned up and said hello – right out of the blue." Ron paused remembering how bad he'd felt when he'd left her that day. "When she saw me – she hugged me and I honestly thought she'd got over blaming us for her parent's death. But then it was like she remembered and pulled away. We went to this little café place. It was nice – very Hermione" Ron said sadly. "Anyways... we talked – mostly about you – and..."

"And?" Harry said breathlessly.

"... I'm sorry Harry..." Ron breathed out slowly "...but she said she wasn't sorry for her decision, some rubbish about it being for the best and you needing to have a whole new life after Voldermort... about you needing to live and she'd stop you or something...it was awful..." Ron had said this quietly but Harry had heard every word. It was only what he'd expected after all.

Harry stood up, Hermione's face in the front of his mind, and started putting things in the trunk. "Harry what are you doing? You can't STILL want to go see her!" Harry continued. "She doesn't want you Harry! I'm sorry but you have to move on with your life – it has been eight years!"

Harry turned to look at his best friend and said simply "I can't... I need on I mean-"

"Ron. I have to see Hermione at least one last time or I'll never _ever_ get her out of my mind."

He saw Ron admitting defeat and leaving his room, and he turned back towards the trunk packing his things quickly. _If I just explain about her mum and dad maybe she'll listen. Maybe._ He sighed, remembering with a shudder the deaths, now eight years prior – just before Voldermort's downfall. _If you'd been quicker to her house Potter, Malfoy wouldn't have been able to get Mr or Mrs Granger. Shouldn't have been dwelling on Percy's death – should have been watching over Hermione's parents LIKE SHE ASKED YOU TO. _He swallowed a sharp pain in his throat and told himself he'd make her listen to him.


	3. Reflections and a Shock

Chapter 3

**Reflections and a Shock**

Hermione had dropped Jamie off at the local muggle school and was now sat in her office dwelling on last night's mail. After staring at the envelope for nearly half an hour Hermione had plucked up her [Gryffindor] courage to open the letter marked clearly on the front by Ginny Weasley's handwriting.

It had been Ginny she had maintained contact with after deserting Harry. As much as she'd felt that her taking the burden of a baby away from Harry so he could begin a new stress-free life was the right decision, she loved him far too much to sever all contact. She needed to know he was happy. So Ginny had agreed to write her every few months to tell her how Harry was doing, what he was doing and if he was happy, although Hermione knew she had probably only agreed in the hope of convincing her to return to England.

Ginny included other bits about the Weasley family and mutual friends from school, which comforted Hermione but always made her feel desperately sad. However in Ginny's last letter she'd said that Ron had nearly found letters from her and Hermione had made the heart-wrenching decision that the correspondence must stop. From Ginny's letter she knew that Harry had not fully gotten over her leaving him so suddenly, and she couldn't bear to cause him more pain. Having told Ginny this, she expected no more letters and now that was nearly six months ago now.

Seeing the letter then had shocked her, as she knew it must be important. She prayed that it wasn't bad news and tears leaked from her eyes as she'd sat staring. It turned out it was just Ginny – being more like Molly than she'd ever admit – stubbornly refusing to listen to Hermione's pleas and writing anyway to let her know the news from England.

Hermione had read all about Harry's latest achievement at the Auror's office, Ron and Luna's toddler Arthur and his latest escapades, Ginny's upcoming wedding [and heartfelt plea for her to attend], and other news about the twins receiving a business award and Charlie's new girlfriend. Ginny had never written about Harry's girlfriends Hermione reflected – saving me the pain she thought. As usual after reading one of Ginny's letters she felt full of hope and then instantly depressed and then read the letter again. She sighed and placed it in her draw, got her coat and headed for her favourite café, just by the river.

As she walked through the doors to the fresh air outside she felt a little better. She told herself to stop living in the past and cheered herself up with thoughts of taking Jamie to the movies later that night. She walked in to the café and ordered her coffee and sat by the fire in the corner. She was lost in thought when a voice said "Miss-you're coffee"

"Oh thank you" said Hermione and returned to watching the fire. She was as relaxed as she'd been in weeks and thanked Ginny silently for ignoring her request.

A man cleared his throat nervously behind her, but Hermione hardly noticed. She did however cry out in alarm as that said man sat down next to her and said "Hello 'Mione".


	4. Remembering to Breathe

Chapter 4

**Remembering to Breathe.**

Only one person in her whole life had ever called her 'Mione and she knew instantly it was him. She met his eyes. _Jamie's eyes._ All of the not-so-hidden feelings she felt for him smacked right into her in that second and she gasped.

"Please don't leave!" he begged her. _I'll do anything just talk to me for a little while Please! _Harry yelled silently in his head.

Hermione however wanted to flee, but her legs wouldn't move, so she simply continued to stare at the love of her life, with her mouth slightly open.

As soon as Harry realised that this was his chance to talk to her all the words came out at once-

"I-er-I need to findyou- I – you said not to- b-but I wanted to explain- about- W-well.."

Harry continued like this for a few minutes before Hermione's brain kicked in _He's here – tell him you love him-that you're sorry. NO!_ Hermione stood up to leave and walked from the café.

Harry just watched her calmly walk away before he realised what was happening and then burst after her faster than if he were chasing a golden snitch in the Quidditch match of his life.

"Hermione! Wait!" He yelled, running. Hermione stopped and Harry collided with her. Somehow they ended up on the floor – Harry on top of Hermione, staring down at her.

For a few precious moments they both felt the memories of past situations where Harry lay on top of Hermione, and a warm glow flooded both of them. Hermione came crashing back to earth first.

"Harry get off me" she said quietly; sadly.

"Promise me we'll talk then I will." She looked so sad he wanted to hold her and never let her go. Only he knew he never could. Hermione looked into his eyes again and knew she couldn't resist any of it any more. The moment she'd been dreading since she found out she was pregnant had finally arrived. She breathed.

"Ok".

Harry let out the breath he hadn't realised he was holding and got off Hermione. He reached out for her hand and she took it. They tingled and for a moment neither let go. But then Hermione let go. She breathed again.

"Lets go to my place" she said, unable to stop staring.

He smiled his wonderful smile and nodded.

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A/N: Thanks for the reviews!!! I've never written fanfic before and was extremely pleased to get reviews for my first chapter.

**Black Sentinel – alas you were wrong about who wrote the letter but thank you very much for reviewing.**

**ladybird2223 – to answer your question Jon is about 9 years old and therefore hasn't got his Hogwarts letter yet, but his mother is a witch, his father a wizard and Jon [and Jamie] have both already started doing some magical things [which hopefully we'll see later in the story] – his parents are therefore assuming he'll go to Hogwarts [since they both did] and therefore have decided to return to England to make sure he is properly settled before he is ready to go to Hogwarts. Thanks very much for the review – it was my first one!**


	5. Telling Him

Chapter 5

**Telling him.**

When they reached the house Hermione made him wait outside.

"Not gonna ditch me are you?" he'd said jokingly, but she heard the pain underneath.

"No. I won't be a minute". Once inside she got her wand and levitated everything remotely resembling Jamie upstairs. She decided a long time ago that if Harry ever found her then she would tell him, and here he was.

_Ohmygod he's here_.

She was started to panic slightly, but controlled herself by breathing. She was going to tell him. But properly and explain it all. He couldn't work it out for himself by seeing pictures-that's just not fair. _He deserves the truth_. I know, she said silently.

There was a knock on the front door – Hermione opened it and Harry looked a bit shocked.

"Er-I wasn't gonna-er- I didn't mean to-I just kind of- well did it..."

She smiled despite herself and was rewarded with another huge grin. She looked for a minute and felt all the loving, happy thoughts and feelings that she'd ever had burst out of her closed heart.

She never ever let herself think about him – about being with him, loving him, holding him, but all the lock-tight barriers she's placed around herself were quickly crashing down as she looked at him. He moved forward. _GET A GRIP HERMIONE! YOU LEFT HIM. HE HATES YOU. HE JUST WANTS TO KNOW WHY AND HE DESERVES TO KNOW JAMIE MORE THAN YOU!_ She moved towards the couch and sat down. Tea appeared. Still they said nothing. Hermione took the biggest breath of her life and started-

"I know that you're here to find out why I left and I'll tell. You need to know what I did, I did for the best." She hadn't intended to look at him, but she had and now she couldn't look away –

"after you got rid of Voldermort, I knew that finally you would be able to live – to have the life he denied you for so many years. I know there were still death eaters..." she paused, sadly and forced herself to continue "...but we both knew they were no real threat to you or us." She stopped and did look away from Harry – his eyes were so full of pain for her, and she brushed the tears away furiously.

"Anyway... I was happy for you-for us- even when my parents... even when my parents were killed I knew that you would still be there- you were my rock like always-"

Harry couldn't actually believe what she was saying – he'd been so certain that she blamed him for her parent's death. He was so relieved and fighting not to hope that this might mean she would be willing to take him back and so he just listened as she carried on-

"-when we moved in to Grimmauld Place, despite the circumstances, I was really happy." She remembered for a moment and continued "But then something happened that I knew would change it all forever. I decided that it would affect your new life negatively – you wouldn't be able to do anything as you pleased, as you should have been able to, after all you'd been through and I couldn't rip that freedom away from you."

Harry was starting to feel a little scarred by now. It almost sounded – like maybe she was ill – and his heart broke at how pale she looked, his mind fearing the worst.

She looked at him again, and seeing the pain and confusion in his bright emerald eyes, she could bear it no longer.

"I-I decided to deal with it myself – away from you all, let you get on with it... you see Harry – I was pregnant."

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**I really appreciate all the reviews – you've all been really kind! It's nice to know my story [although not all mine; see disclaimer] is actually being read! I'm trying to update regularly and I'm sorry the chapters are so short [which is why I'm trying to do 2 chapters at a time] but hopefully they'll get longer as the story progresses.**

**justin-4902 – I'm not sure I'd call this awesome but you inadvertently lit my day – thanks**

**ladybird2223 – they'll meet... bit more angst first I'm afraid... bear with me**

**kpxiceboi – sorry if it was confusing [– I wasn't sure myself that it was all that clear] and thanks for reviewing. To answer your question though, Mary is Hermione's friend from work, Euan is her husband and Jon is their son. Jamie is short for James.**


	6. Explanations

Chapter 6

**Explanations.**

Harry was not breathing. His mind was trying to take in what Hermione had said to him. Pregnant-baby-_ohmygod!_

"What?" he heard himself say.

"I was pregnant when I left you – it was the reason I left..." she said quietly.

His brain was trying to process this. _She left me because she thought I couldn't handle it. After all he'd said about being so grateful for his freedom and she'd taken it to mean that._ His head hurt, his heart hurt, as he forced his eye back to hers. There were tears there. He felt himself crying. He'd gotten her pregnant and she'd had to deal with it all alone.

HANG THE HELL ON HARRY POTTER! WHAT DOES SHE MEAN DEALT WITH IT?

"What- Did-you... well-"

"He's seven now."

There was a moment's silence and then everything rushed through Harry as he collapsed to the floor.

Surprisingly, Hermione panicked for a few minutes, her mind racing with all the information Healers had told her about Harry's condition years before. How he'd survived Voldermort's attempts to kill him-but only just. But Ginny had always said he was much better now. That he was fit again, that he was all right.

She was gibbering, calling Harry's name over and over again in blind panic, begging him to wake up and praying to any and every god she could think of. After a few minutes though she got a grip of herself and with a final touch of his face she levitated him onto the couch.

_Please God, just let him be shocked._

__

When Harry came to he was laying on the couch, head under a very soft pillow with his shoes removed. His focus was blurry as he felt someone gingerly place his glasses on him. And then –WHACK!

_Hermione._

_Pregnant._

_Seven._

He felt his chest tighten again and he reminded himself to breath as he lay there, looking intently at Hermione.

When they were together, before then even, he remembered he could read almost all of her moods, tell what she was thinking almost and it was the same for her. Buts in those last few weeks she was so distant and brooding that he couldn't tell the simple difference between angry or sad or happy. All the unhappy feelings he'd felt about loosing her, being inadequate because she'd stopped loving him were brought right to the front of his mind. He remembered he'd put it all down to her losing her parents; her blaming him. Only she swore she didn't and now it looked like she was telling the truth.

He studied her face, looking right into her soft brown eyes and saw pain and maybe even shame, as she returned his gaze. He heard her take a deep breath and start –

"I don't know if you want to hear this right now Harry, but I need to tell you why I did what I did-

"I thought you already did that-" he almost spat back at her "-remember – you thought I wouldn't want it! It was for the best!"

There was a ringing silence. Hermione breathed again.

"I thought you deserved a life Harry. After everything you'd been through I didn't want you to have to give up living to take on the drudgery of sleepless nights and nappies at two am. You were happy Harry and that's all I wanted for you."

She spoke these words softly he noticed – it always got to him more than anything. He felt all hollow inside and he had to force the words out of his mouth-

"So what you're saying Hermione is, that when you found out about-" Harry breathed to try stop it hurting. "-When you found out that you were pregnant you decided that you would leave to stop me loosing my new-found freedom."

"Yes."

He winced. "So you decided that the best way to make me happy was to take away the one thing I had always wanted?" He looked right into her eyes and noticed her frown.

"A family Hermione. My own family."

She felt like he'd hit her. Smack right there in the mouth. She hadn't realised. She'd not even thought of it like that. But now, looking deep into his eyes she realised the truth of his words. She'd known since the first year of Hogwarts that his most longed for desire was to have a family – something everyone else took for granted. But when she found out about Jamie it hadn't even entered her head that Harry would want a baby – a family – she was just so shocked, they were so young and she thought it best to deal with everything on her own.

"...I-...I didn't even think..."

She was starring, he was starring back and neither said a word.


	7. The Best I Could Do For You

**A/N Thanks for the reviews!**

Chapter 7

**The best I could do for you.**

Harry Potter and Hermione Granger had been sat in silence for about an hour before Harry decided that enough was enough. He dried his eyes while the tears of regret continued to flow down Hermione's cheeks. He muttered and in an instant there was a new tray of hot steaming tea and a jug of coffee sat on the nearby table and he began to pour one for himself and one for Hermione.

At the sound of his mumbled words Hermione had looked up and began to dry her tears also. Her mind was numb and battered at the harsh impact of her realisations and her knowledge that she had got it so wrong. The last thing she had ever wanted to do was to hurt the man she loved, and the realisation that she had in fact inadvertently achieved this continued to send shivers down her spine as she began to sip the drink Harry had passed her. However she reflected, now is not the time to dwell, it is for practicalities she thought, as he began to speak.

"Just... tell me..."

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything Hermione... all of it."

She didn't know exactly where she should begin – it was all such a mess now. So, she took a breath [a deep one] and started-

"I found out I was pregnant about two months after my parents were killed."

Silence.

"I... Well it was obviously a surprise – I know we'd been living together for a while but we'd never talked about children – I mean we were far too young." Another breath. "I wasn't sure what to do – I really nee-_wanted_ to talk to you about it but when that thought crossed my mind so did Voldermort."

Harry looked a little shocked – not because she'd said the name – Hermione was always braver than Ron – but because **he** was the reason **again** that something had gone wrong. She continued-

"You see – I believed Dumbledore when he came to the conclusion that Voldermort could not return in any way shape or form because of how you had got rid of him. I mean it was logical – right? You showed him what love was and his final possession of you destroyed his hate for the world and thus his power over it. Without a body he could not experience the things that had turned him so evil in the first place and so he couldn't return. It was obvious really."

_Obvious? Typical Hermione_.

"So I knew, you see, that you really were free... Finally you could have your own life that had been denied to you all along and I was so happy for you Harry – really I was even... even when Lucius Malfoy killed them – as sad I was I was still glad that that pathetic piece of scum was the worst you were ever going to have to deal with again. Death eaters like him were manageable – there was no real threat like when we were at school. You were so happy. _Happier than I'd ever seen you._ No nightmares. No pain. No anger. You were just you and happy to be so – I felt so lucky. But then I was late... I prayed I wasn't pregnant, but I thought I probably was – we weren't careful after all... When I found out I just decided- in an instant if you like – the best thing was to take the Paris job and leave you – you could be an Auror or professional Quidditch player or teacher or whatever you wanted to be – you could stay out til all hours, get drunk and throw huge parties at the weekends... You could really enjoy you're life Harry." She stopped. Reflecting, he thought.

"The point is I left. I- well I never thought you'd want a baby – I mean we were eighteen – fresh out of school without a real clue about life except for the bad stuff. It didn't occur to me t-that you would want it..."

He didn't feel any better for Hermione's words. In fact he felt worse. Looking back at all the times after defeating Voldermort, that he'd droned on to her, hours into the night sometimes, that he was finally free to live – he felt sick – with shame, with sorrow. He took a deep breath.

"Hermione."

"Yes?"

"All the things you said to me when you left. Were they true or did you say them so I wouldn't come after you?" She didn't say anything. "I just want to know."

"I said-and did- everything because that was the best I could do for you."

He closed his eyes to the tears, wiped his face and looked back at her.

"Tell me about my son."


	8. About Jamie

A/N: This chapter is really short - sorry. Thanks again to everyone who has reviewed.

Chapter 8

**About Jamie.**

The tone of his voice showed no anger or resentment, it was more like he was begging her to tell him. So she began-

"He was born on the 25th May. Healthy seven pound little angel." She was crying silently before she'd started to speak and the tears continued to flow and she continued.

"He looks so much like you – your eyes, your hair. I'm afraid, now he's older, he's as stubborn as I am and definitely much intelligent than either of us. He was fourteen months the first time he did something magical – I was feeding him in the park and he was playing around with my wand and before I knew it he'd summoned my sandwich from the bench. I just squealed at him in delight and he looked at me like he'd done nothing out of the ordinary. He's adventurous, brave in everything he does... a proper little Gryffindor. He reminds me of you in lots of ways, the way he talks, how he says things, but he's calmer than you or I. I think that's a good thing though, after all he's never had anything to worry about...never had any problems."

Hermione paused.

"The day he was born was the first time I let myself think about you since I left – I wanted so much for you to see him, lying there so beautiful and new-but it was better, I told myself, that you lived your life. He's such a beautiful child Harry – so kind and compassionate. He's only seven years of age and he already thinks about people more than I did when I was a teenager. He's amazing..."

Harry took a while to think about this. The tears he had tried to hold back were free-flowing from the moment Hermione had begun to talk. Now he was just thinking. There were so many things he wanted to know – he didn't know where to begin with it all. He returned from his thoughts and said-

"What's his name?"

Hermione let out half a laugh. An old trait he recognised, that she only did when remembering something she'd forgotten that should have been so obvious-

"James Sirius Harry Potter." He breathed in. "But I call him Jamie" she said.

Harry sobbed. His head was in his arms and he couldn't think. She came to him, herself still crying, and held him for a long time, gently stroking his hair and wishing away all the pain she had mistakenly caused him, willing herself to be able to turn back the time.


	9. Misunderstandings

Chapter 9

**Misunderstandings.**

With their eyes closed they both pretended that nothing had changed since school. That they were together, that there was no pain as they continued to hold each other. They'd been sat together, crying, for nearly an hour. It was getting late Hermione dimly reflected.

She jumped up and took Harry with her- _OHMYGODJAMIE-SCHOOL!_ She started collecting her things – _shoes on_ – how could she be late for picking him – that's so unfair on him – he's only seven – _he's a baby_. She was panicking so much she hardly heard Harry till he yelled-

"HERMIONE!"

"-What?" She said puzzled.

"What are you doing? W-What-"

"I'm gonna be late I have to go.."

"Hell No You Don't!" He shouted, and closed the gap between them. She frowned. "You don't get to tell me that I have a child, a son, and then run away again – I'm not letting you this time – I shouldn't have last time-"

Hermione took a deep breath and could see how it would look from Harry's point of view. With this in mind the tone she used was compassionate and kind, reminding herself dimly of Mrs Weasley many years ago-

"Harry- I- if I don't hurry I'm going to be late for picking Jamie up-"

"Oh...Can I come with you to get him?" Harry blurted.

She thought about it for a minute. "I don't think that would be a good idea-"

"I wanna meet him Hermione!" He yelled.

"I realise that Harry" She took another calming breath. "But you have to realise that the best way for Jamie to meet you is not going to be the second you find out about him as I pick him up from school. You have to understand it has always been just us-"

"But I know now – I want to be involved in his life. I wanna know him. I want him to know me-" Harry said loudly, interrupting again.

"I know Harry. But it has just been me and Jamie _always_. For you to just suddenly be there is going to confuse him – I need to explain it all to him _before_ he meets you. It'll be easier on him."

He knew she was right, so he nodded in agreement. It didn't make him feel any better- he had this sick churning feeling inside of him and tears flowed down his face again.

"I'm sorry Harry- I have to go-"

"But when can I come back – when can I meet him?" He was pleading with her, she knew and it made her feel disgusted with herself.

"I'll tell him tonight. I'll keep him off school tomorrow and you can come round if you want...?"

"...Ok... tomorrow then." Harry almost mumbled.

They walked out together, Harry half-thinking, half-wishing he could follow her, but he wouldn't jeopardise meeting Jamie so he tried to put it out of his mind. _YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO BE PATIENT POTTER! AND TOMORROW YOU CAN MEET YOUR SON._ My son, he thought. My own little boy.

As Hermione was locking the door, he turned to her. "What will you tell him?"

"Everything. It'll be ok Harry- I'll make sure it is."

He nodded. She turned from him and before he could stop himself he'd turned her to face him and was kissing her. He'd wanted to for so long now, it felt so right but he didn't expect her to return it. But she did. A lot. She couldn't help it – it was just natural. As soon as she realised what she was doing she pulled away, it hurt too much to go there she told herself – _your priority is making it up to him and Jamie by letting them get to know each other – this does not mean you get him back Hermione Granger! You do not deserve his love and him kissing you is just because he is upset._

"...Sorry..." he mumbled, not feeling sorry at all and hoping that her briefly enthusiastic response to his kiss might mean she still had feelings for him.

"-I –er- I'll see you tomorrow Harry..." she mumbled in return.

"Yeah..." he said _"And every day for the rest of your life Hermione Granger"_ Harry added silently as he watched her walk away.


	10. Telling Jamie

Chapter 10

**Telling Jamie**

Hermione shut her son's bedroom door and breathed deeply. She'd kept her promise to Harry and told Jamie all about him, that Harry was here in Paris and why he'd never been there before. Thinking about it all beforehand, when she was racing to pick him up from school, she was dreading it. She wasn't sure how she was going to explain it to him. She didn't know how she could tell the little boy she loved more than life that she'd kept him from knowing his father, in such a way that wouldn't make him hate her or even Harry.

So she'd fed him. And bathed him. And then... told him. She just told him why things were the way they were. Why he'd never met Harry. How Harry wanted to meet him now he knew. Jamie was very grown up about it all. He asked her questions – mostly about Harry, but some about her life at Hogwarts because she'd never felt she could talk about it before. At times when she was talking to him she felt like wailing, but she managed to control herself and had explained everything to him, as one day she always knew she'd have to.

They were still talking about Harry and herself when Hermione had noticed his little eyelids dropping. She checked her watch and realised it was nearly three o'clock in the morning. She picked him up-

"Mummy I'm not tired – I want to know more..." He'd whined sleepily.

"I'll tell you lots more tomorrow. And besides – you can ask Har- Daddy – you can ask Daddy questions tomorrow."

"Will he be a real Daddy, like Jonathan's got?" Jamie asked her, not helping much as Hermione got him into his pyjamas. "Will we go to the park and things?" She'd laid him down on his bed and his emerald eyes looked right into hers.

"Your Daddy is going to be the best Daddy in the whole world. He's going to do loads of things with you."

Jamie smiled a very Harry-like smile at her "will he explain Quidditch to me?"

Hermione smiled. She tried a dozen times but was never sure he understood. "He'll even teach you how to play" she said softly.

She lay his head on the pillow and watched him for a few minutes, smiling but now totally asleep, looking perfect before she silently retreated. Then she went downstairs, got a bottle of finest French Firewhisky and a mixer, put the fire on and some classical music and cried until dawn.

She'd always wondered if she'd got it wrong – if keeping Jamie from Harry was the best thing, and now she knew it was wrong. Her grief flowed as fast as the alcohol and before she knew it, it was six o'clock. She pulled herself together and got a coffee – Jamie would be up in an hour or two and Harry was coming around later in the day and she would not be in anything other than a totally calm state for either of them. She drank her coffee and then another and decided to take a shower.

The running water soothed Hermione's tense muscles. She stayed in the shower for a long time because it made her feel slightly better. Slightly calmer. She thought about the day ahead when her Son would meet his father for the first time, when Harry would meet Jamie. She cursed herself into oblivion for never considering how much he'd wanted a family but decided that this would achieve nothing. She shouldn't dwell, she just had to make it up to them both.


	11. The Milkman and the Photos

Chapter 11

**The Milkman and the Photos**

Turning the water off and wrapping herself in a dressing gown she made her way back downstairs, planning to read the mail and have yet another coffee before getting dressed; she had plenty of time because it was still early so Jamie wouldn't be up for a few hours at least. The water had boiled and most of the mail opened before Hermione heard a knock on the front door. She knew it would be the milkman; Hermione had from the first moment she had left her parents home, still continued to do some things as muggles do – taking a muggle paper, having milk delivered to the door and even watching muggle television. Each week the milkman would call to collect the money and with the sights she was sure he'd seen she half wondered how he was brave enough to call back every week. Once Jamie and Jon had inadvertently, Hermione hoped, managed to levitate the couch across the room while the milkman waited patiently to be paid. Understandably then, he was a slightly nervous character, but was very kind and he and Hermione often exchanged pleasantries when he called to collect the empty bottles. So Hermione opened the door to him, reaching for the money and her eyes fell upon the man she left.

She almost gasped at him. Here it was, not even breakfast time, and he was here. Dressed in his muggle best, Harry was wearing an expensive suit, polished shoes and a tie that Hermione half-wondered if Fred and George had given him. His glasses looked new; he looked like he might have spent the night polishing them. His hair had been furiously combed she noticed, but it had and never would lie completely flat.

As Hermione continued to gaze at Harry, he, for the first time, became uncomfortable in her presence. He didn't like it. He was scared she'd changed her mind. Or that it had been a dream and there was no Jamie. He'd not slept. He'd just thought about his son and getting to know him and how he was going to get Hermione back. He had been angry at first; she should have known him better than to think he wouldn't want his own child, but his anger had evaporated as he thought about what it must have been like for her. To go through all they had, and then loose her parents anyway and then to find out she was pregnant and with him going on and on about being so glad he was free and could finally live his life, he'd decided he really couldn't blame her for going. Even if he could, he loved her so much and had missed her for so long that all he wanted was for her to be his again. So as sick as he'd felt at finding out about Jamie, contemplating all that he had missed and wondering if he'd ever feel like a father he'd decided that he couldn't mess this chance up, and therefore he was going to concentrate on the now, not the past.

He shook himself from his thoughts and noticed that she was still looking him over. He hoped it was a good sign. He looked at her in her dressing gown and wondered if she was naked underneath. Harry cleared his throat to help him focus, and Hermione looked into his eyes.

"I know I'm early but I wasn't sure what time I should turn up and I didn't want to be late so I can go and come back or stay its really up to you because I don't mind well you know." Harry said in one long sentence, reminding them both of the first time he asked her out.

"No-its fine. I-just wasn't expecting you yet." She looked at him. He looked back. "Sorry Harry – please come in."

Harry silently sighed as he walked into Hermione's house. _At least she didn't slam the door in your face_ he thought.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"I wasn't expecting you to be here yet." Hermione said.

Damn it, he was too early. Did she sound angry with him? Should he offer to come back again later?

Hermione turned around when he didn't reply and noticed he was frowning as he looked towards the floor. He was thinking, she recognised. "Harry?"

"Sorry-do you want to me to go?" He asked too quickly. _Please don't say yes_.

"Course not – I just wasn't expecting you so early that's all."

"Sorry" he said again. It made her feel sad to hear him speaking like that – he'd done nothing wrong after all.

"You haven't done anything to apologise for Harry." He looked at her – rather gazed deeply into her eyes and she saw the stirrings of passion. She looked away, scolding herself for thinking like that. He blushed she saw out of the corner of her eye and she wondered again if he was thinking, what she wanted him to be thinking.

She poured coffee for herself and Harry and then turned to him and held it out for him to take. As he took it there hands touched and they both felt that tingling feeling that flooded them with happy memories.

As they continued to stare at each other, it was Harry that first returned to the present and he quickly decided what to do. He moved forward slowly and cautiously leant in to kiss her. Hermione dimly realised what was about to happen and came crashing back to earth. She moved before he could kiss her.

"Sorry." Harry said, in fact only being sorry that he hadn't got to kiss her.

"Its-er I- I should go get dressed before Jamie gets up."

"Ok"

Hermione started to walk towards the stairs, but turned back towards her. She looked right into his eyes and said "I put the photos back out... there's loads in the living room – why don't you have a look while I get dressed?"

He nodded and she left. He took a deep breath before walking through to the living room. He'd not noticed the pictures before but looking now they were everywhere. He picked one up and gasped when he saw it was a miniature version of him. Tears started to roll down his face as he looked hungrily at the pictures of his little boy and the woman he loved. He sat down on the couch and dried his eyes before returning his gaze to the pictures, some from when Jamie was little but others looked more recent. He looked happy, very happy and so did she. They were playing in one of the pictures, and he was laughing as she tickled him.

He heard a distant noise and looked up, expecting Hermione. But it wasn't.


	12. You're My Dad?

A/N Thanks very much to the reviewers - especially **DJ Rodriguez**, **NoOrDa** &** Bulma, Queen of Saiya-jin** - i really appreciate it. I have updated 3 chapters this time, since this one is extremely short. All comments welcome!

Chapter 12

**You're my dad?**

"Hello" said the little voice, looking slightly nervous and shuffling his feet exactly as Harry often did.

Harry pulled himself together and said, with difficulty "Hi."

The little boy bit his bottom lip as he continued to look at Harry. Harry remembered he was supposed to be the adult; he was supposed to be the parent. "Y-you're Jamie aren't you?"

The beautiful little boy nodded.

"Do you know who I am?" Again he nodded.

"You're my father. Mummy told me about you."

Harry smiled. "Do you wanna sit with me for a while?"

"Ok"

"So... erm..." Harry thought suddenly this was going to be more difficult than he'd expected, and wished Hermione would come back to help. "Do you want to ask me anything?" Harry said, hoping he would so they would have something to talk about.

Jamie frowned a little, which made Harry smile because that's what he did when he wasn't sure about something.

"Can I ask you anything?" Jamie said.

"Er- OK"

"What's an Auror?"

"Didn't Herm-Mummy erm-tell you what an Auror is?"

"She said I was too little to understand properly –but I'm not really." He looked at him so intently and it made Harry smile again.

"If your mum said you're too young then maybe I should tell you when you're older – I don't want her to get mad at me do I?"

"Ok – I guess I don't want to make mummy mad either. Can I ask you something else?"

"Sure – whatever you want"

"How do you play quidditch?"

Relief spread through him at the mention of this familiar and once Harry got talking, he found couldn't stop. Jamie listened so intently, interrupting him with question after question about points and catching the snitch and everything else that was possibly quidditch. Harry was in heaven. He felt like he'd never smiled so much in his life and the look of joy on Jamie's-_his son's_-face made him feel alive again.

When Hermione got to the bottom of the stairs she heard laughing and voices. She knew Jamie must be up, even though it was still early and she quietly moved to the edge of the doorway. Tears rolled down her face as she watched the scene in front of her; the two people she loved more than life were talking and laughing and didn't even notice she was there. She smiled and silently walked the long way round to the kitchen, giving them time to get to know each other and trying really hard not to feel left out.


	13. Can We Eat Yet?

Chapter 13

**Can we eat yet?**

It was a long while later and Hermione had finished her novel left on the kitchen table, prepared a 'brunch' for them all [the muggle way since this obviously took more time] and had at least seven cups of tea. She sighed – Harry and Jamie had been talking for hours now and every time she popped her head in, neither noticed.

She was glad she told herself. Glad they were talking so easily, laughing and joking with each other. Just like father and son should. She smiled. Maybe it would all be ok now. She would stop feeling this terrible guilt; Jamie would have his father, and Harry might be happy now he had a child.

He'd be happy wouldn't he? He already loves Jamie, you can see it in his eyes. And looking at him chatting away, doesn't he look happy. _Yes – happier than you ever made him anyway._ She shook her head and inside knew that things were not just going to be that easy. He was happy sure, he liked Jamie a lot, maybe even loved him already,_ but that doesn't mean he's going to forgive you._ She knew it was true, but dismissed it. _You don't get to wallow in guilt you selfish cow – just make it up to them both_.

Hermione broke from her thoughts when Jamie entered the kitchen, shortly followed by his father. _His father _she thought and closed her eyes. She smiled at him, both of them really, and tried to focus on the present.

"I smelt food!" Jamie yelled happily as he ran to her and embraced her in a bone-crushing hug.

"You would!" Hermione said smiling as she squeezed him back.

"Can we eat yet?"

"You washed your hands?"

"Be right back" Jamie shouted, already halfway up the stairs.

Hermione watched him watch Jamie disappear up the stairs and smiled when she saw the look on his face. "... Did you guys have a good time?"

Harry nodded, the grin on his face still evident.

"I'm glad." Hermione said, unsure of what else to say.

He turned to look at her and the grin disappeared. Hermione's happy mood was lifted and suddenly replaced by the usual gloom. She looked away, willing him not to shout, to say he hated her, to say he'd never forgive her or any of a number of heartbreaking things she'd dreaded since the day she'd left him.

"Hermione... I don't know what to say..." Harry steadily let out the breath he'd been holding – "... But - well - I told Jamie we could go to the park later – I hope that's ok – He said he had a favourite place where I could explain better about Quidditch – no flying I promise – I should of said I'd ask you first – I'm sorry..."

He said it all so fast yet quietly that it took her a few seconds to take in what he'd said; she'd not been expecting it-

"...It's fine – no problem. I mean... you don't have to ask – he's yours too. You can take him to the park if you want – that's ok. But no flying!... I mean he's far too young." Harry looked relieved and he let out a breath again. _He really is nervous then_.

"..But-erm... well I kinda said-erm... you see I don't know where the park is, or this place he really likes there... erm – will you come too?" Harry was looking right at her and she could tell he'd already resigned himself to the fact that she'd say no.

"Don't you want to-spend some time with him on your own?"

"Course I do!" Harry said, a little too loudly. "...Sorry – its just – he really wants to go to this place – I don't know where – I just... I don't want to let him down- I mean it's the first thing I ever promised him and if I can't...." Harry went on like this a little more before she interrupted him-

"Harry!" He went silent. "I don't mind coming along – honestly – I just – I don't want to tread on your toes. I know you want to spend time with him and he definitely wants to spend time with you – I just don't want to get in the way of that." _Especially considering it's my fault you don't even know each other._

"No-I want you there too – really... Jamie does too- he said so"" Harry said sheepishly. _Don't screw it up now Potter – she said she's come to the park for Jamie's sake – she doesn't want to go with you – she wants to go with her son._

There was a thundering noise down the stairs and Jamie appeared, grinning. They both smiled at him in return and a weird kind of happiness spread through the room-

"So can we eat now?"

Harry laughed, Hermione smiled and kissed her son lightly on his head.

"Course we can greedy guts."


	14. What Do You Think?

Chapter 14

**What do you think?**

They'd eaten and talked in a semi-surreal kind of way. It half reminded Hermione of the times she'd spent with Harry after Hogwarts and this blissful image was supported by the input of their friend that thought food solved all; it made them miss Ron. They were laughing and joking and there wasn't any awkwardness. She'd expected there would be. So had he. But there wasn't. It was probably because Jamie was there chatting away about wanting to go to Hogwarts and visiting Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley; it just seemed to allow them to block out the bad stuff – the pain and hurt that lay silently between them.

All too quickly they were off to the park. True to his word Harry wouldn't take Jamie flying, no matter how much he persisted and for that Hermione was grateful. She'd sat on the bench while they talked Quidditch. She'd watched as her little angel grew happier by the minute as his father talked for ages about something that ultimately was just a silly sport. Or so she thought. She'd always accepted that Harry felt differently about Quidditch, it seemed Jamie was the same and she wouldn't begrudge them something in common.

They'd played together and laughed together and included her in as much as they could. By the time they were ready to leave, they were all happy with spending the afternoon in the park, although only Harry could appreciate how much it had meant to him. Jamie was totally wiped by it all. He'd barely slept the night before, woke up early to meet his father and then spent the day talking and running about with his Dad in the park. It was hardly surprising that by six o'clock he could stay awake for more than five minutes.

_He's not grumpy though_ Harry reflected as he carried him across the living room – _I'd probably be grumpy_. He laid Jamie gently on the couch and went to join Hermione in the kitchen.

"He's asleep in the living room." He said, trying to keep his voice light – it was going to be hard enough saying what he'd decided to say without making it worse from the beginning. "-I need to talk to you.... .... Is that ok?"

_You shouldn't be surprised – why are you?_

"OK-that's fine... I'll just put Jamie to bed then we'll talk – that ok?"

"Yeah-course..."

Hermione turned and started towards the kitchen, but stopped herself-

"You can take him up-if you want to."

Harry just looked at her. Eventually-

"Put him to bed you mean?"

"Well yeah – I'll come up to say goodnight-but if you want you can put him to bed."

"Ok" Harry said, not at all certain he would be able to do even this small task right. But he walked through to the living room, picked up his son and delivered him to his bedroom. He kissed him goodnight after taking off his shoes, turned off the night light and with a final look at him, left the door open for his mother to say goodnight. They passed on the stairs; he knew he'd been a while but he wanted to make sure he wouldn't forget what Jamie looked like. _You sound pathetic Potter_ he'd told himself, but he couldn't bear the thought that he might forget anything about Jamie. When he looked at her, she smiled and Harry swore to the heavens _How come you give me him, but keep her from me?_ He shook his head and went to wait for Hermione in the living room.

Hermione, however, found it all a little daunting. She had had Jamie since he was born and now she had to share. Things like bedtime were going to be hard she thought, but if she'd shared him from the beginning she's be used to it by now. She'd not stopped beating herself up about keeping them apart, since she'd told Harry and watching them together in the park had only increased her guilt. She looked down at her sleeping son and knew finally that Harry should be with him. She kissed him softly and made herself leave to face the scene she knew awaited her. She couldn't blame Harry at all. She drudged down the stairs and told herself that it didn't matter what he said; the important thing was that Jamie and Harry knew each other. It didn't make her feel better. In fact, it made her feel worse.

When she entered the living room, he was facing the fireplace, studying the photos it seemed. He heard her and turned around-

"He still asleep?"

"Yeah – out like a light..."

"Good..."

_Yeah Great! She thought_.

"Hermione-listen- I know we've lots to talk about... but I think- I need to tell you something first." Harry stopped and braced himself. _It must be bad_ she thought. "You see I want you both to come live with me..."

_What!?_ "Pardon me?"

"Jamie – I know him a little and I want to know him a lot and I think he feels the same and the only way we can be close is to live in the same country and the same house and he needs to know I love him and..." Harry took a breath from the babbling-"I want my son to know me. I want you to consider moving back home – I know it's a lot but-I think its important for us; all of us.... What do you think?"


	15. The First Step

A/N: I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while – my internet connection has been down. I have been writing and the story is quite advanced now – thanks to those that reviewed. P.S. I know the chapters are still fairly short, this one especially, but they do get longer and I'll be posting more than one chapter at a time anyway so I hope this is ok.

Chapter 15

**The First Step**

_Think – you're kidding right – I never wanted to leave you – I want you – I want home, the Burrow, Hogwarts and friends, Diagon Alley and Fred and George's shop, I want fish and chips and visits to Hogsmeade..._

"I'm not sure Harry..."

_What are you saying you daft cow?_ She wanted to be strong for some reason and thoughts of returning home to England filled her with intensely mixed feelings; as happy as it made her she didn't know if she could face anyone knowing why she'd left.

"Please Hermione-think about it. It would be great. Besides... You can work anywhere and.... Please..." Harry begged. She couldn't bear it.

"Alright-Ok"

"Really? You mean it?"

She could see the relief sweep through him and seemed to realise for the first time what it meant for him to have a child. A family. _NOT a family_, Hermione she scolded herself, _he just wants Jamie._

She wouldn't keep Jamie from him, that she'd decided when she told him. But now she realised it was up to her to make sure they had the best relationship possible – and that meant moving home-however painful that was sure to be.

"I need a bit of time – to pack, sort out some things, get Jamie ready you know..."

"How long do you think?" Harry asked, he hoped not too desperately.

"Maybe – a week? Get the house on the market and sort out schools and stuff – what do you think?"

"I can only say a few days before I have to be back in London-" He stopped in realisation- "...Maybe I could get a few more days....

"Look – why don't you stay for however long and then we'll follow on and see you there?"

The question stood before them both for a few minutes while Harry accepted the situation as inevitable; Kingsley just wouldn't let him have any more time off.

"Ok" Harry said, eventually. _I'll find you both if you run away again_.

"Right" Said Hermione._ I don't need to run this time – don't worry._

A few moments passed before Harry said "Do you know a good hotel?"


	16. Compassionate Ron

Chapter 16

**Compassionate Ron**

Of course Harry had only asked so Hermione would offer him the spare room. He'd checked and they did have one. She offered, as he knew she would, and he accepted – he hoped not too eagerly.

So they'd spend two nights and three days in each others company – Harry getting to know Jamie during the day and tossing and turning wanting to reacquaint himself with Hermione by night. He'd loved it. Even the frustration was an improvement on his usual life. But when the time was up, it was up.

He'd tried, of course, to get someone to cover for him at the ministry. There was no-one spare, he knew already, but he'd tried persistently since he learnt of Jamie - they're just wasn't anyone. So he'd had to leave.

It nearly broke him saying goodbye to Jamie and he couldn't look at Hermione's eyes; instead he prayed she wouldn't leave for America, like the brochures he'd seen in the bin. He felt the worst he'd ever felt and was more than tempted to resign from the Ministry just so he could make sure they both moved to England; to Grimmauld Place with him.

He was elated when she said yes, although it took a few minutes to sink in. But he wondered if she said yes too quick, and then regretted it. He was so scared that when he said goodbye it would be forever – it was like seventh year all over again.

When he reached his house he decided to drink. The rooms he'd cleared by magic and each looked presentable; Hermione would have his room since that would be closer to Jamie's which Harry had thoughtfully decorated in all things Quidditch, and Harry would take a room down the hall – he would have given it too Hermione but he wanted her to have the best. So now there was nothing – a few days before Hermione and Jamie would join him, no work for seven hours and nothing to fill the void.

He was halfway through the fire-whisky when a head appeared in the fire-

"So – you're bloody home then, you selfish git! – Do you know how worried I've been?" Ron Weasley's head disappeared from the fire and seconds later he appeared in the living room, in front of the fire as Harry continued to sip his drink.

Ron sighed.

"So since you didn't make the meeting in Italy, I take it you and Hermione talked?"

"Yeah"

Ron waited.

"AND!"

"Well... Hermione's moving back to England... she's coming to live here-"

"Harry that's great! Mate that's brilliant! – WOW! I knew you guys were meant to be together – its kind of like fate – don't you think!" Ron said enthusiastically. "What's the matter?" He said, when Harry remained silent.

"Nothing – just... when I went to see her I didn't expect she'd come home-"

"Me either- but she is - that should make you happy mate?" Ron said interrupting again.

"It does." Harry said. "I just wish she was coming home for me... not because she feels guilty about keeping my son from me."

From Ron's expression Harry knew he was as surprised as he'd been.

"WHAT! Your-Son?" Ron said, wide-eyed and reaching for the bottle of fire-whisky to pour himself a large drink. "Blimey... Hermione was... a son... she kept him secret? How... I mean does Ginny know? Wow-"

Harry knew he shouldn't be, but he was really irritated by Ron's babbling as he tried to piece the picture together. He sighed and continued drinking hardly listening to what Ron was saying.

"But at least she's coming home right? With her son-"

"OUR Son!" Harry interjected harshly. "He's mine too!"

"Yeah Harry. Sorry-I... its just gonna take some getting used to-you know?"

"Yeah-sorry... Just..." Harry said lifelessly.

Ron looked uncomfortable. He could see the pain in Harry's eyes and he cursed Hermione for leaving him. He just didn't know how to help.

"So... What's his name?"

"What?" Harry said coming out of his trance-like state.

"Your son – what's his name?"

Harry smiled and Ron knew then that it would be ok. "Jamie. James actually, after my Dad, but we call him Jamie. She named him after Sirius and me as well."

There was a pause. Ron smiled, he already knew Harry would continue talking; he already sounded like Ron did when he was going on about Arthur. Content. More than that; _Happy. Harry's happy,_ Ron thought to himself, _I never thought I'd see that again_.

Harry was talking again, all about Jamie – what he looked like, things they'd talked about, how wonderful he was, the ways he was like Hermione and the different ways he was like Harry. Ron just smiled in amazement – he couldn't fully appreciate how much Harry had changed since meeting his child, but he knew better than to underestimate it; after all he remembered how much he changed when he found out Luna was pregnant.

Hours later, Ron finally interrupted Harry-

"So when are they arriving?"

"End of the week- three or four days Hermione said. I only left them a few hours ago and it already feels like weeks..." Harry's happy mood changed quickly. Ron saw it, but was too experienced in dealing with Harry's mood swings to take any notice-

"We'd better get this place smartened up then, hadn't we?"

"It's ok – I cleaned the rooms – they'll do." Harry said.

"Is 'just good enough' good enough for Hermione? Good enough for Jamie?" Ron asked.

"NO." Harry said, the alcohol leaving his body and being replaced by a new desire to make his house a palace. "I can tidy it though – make it really nice – I've got time."

"I'll help." Ron said simply. "But tomorrow, after work – it's too late now we need to sleep so we can at least function in a few hours time. You sleep mate – I gotta go home and explain myself – you don't mind if I tell Luna do you?"

"Course not."

"Cool – hopefully Luna will be so pleased about Jamie and Hermione moving back that she won't kill me. Even so – she's gonna be mad – she absolutely hates it when I stay out and don't tell her – makes her start talking about brains killing me and her not being there – goes on for hours I'm telling you. Count yourself lucky you don't have to explain that after half a bottle of firewhisky."

"Yeah – _real_ lucky" Harry said quietly. Ron didn't notice the pain behind that statement.

"I'll see you first thing, assuming I'm still alive and we'll sort out the house tomorrow after work ok?"

"Yeah-Night Ron"

"Night mate"

"Hey Ron?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks – for being a mate – it's helped talking about it."

"Don't mention it." Ron said "Just wish me luck- I'll need it."

"Good luck" Harry said, watching as Ron disappeared through the fire. _Wish it was me going home to a row with the woman I love._ She'll be here soon though, with your son. _Wrong Potter – she's coming because of Jamie – not because she wants to be with you – she's sorry for keeping him from you – that's it. _At least I'll have Jamie, he thought as sleep tugged at him, he loves me.


	17. Sorting Things Out

Chapter 17

**Sorting Things Out**

They'd worked for what seemed like forever to make the place look fantastic. And now it did. Harry had surveyed the house before leaving for work and realised the full extent of the task he was about to undertake. Years before he had removed the portraits and tapestry's that his Godfather had hated in his lifetime, and that had greatly improved the general feel of the house. No longer was it somewhere Death Eaters would like to frequent and Harry had taken no notice from that point. But Ron's comments the night before had bothered Harry.

Always before Harry had simply been happy to have his own place; when Hermione had lived there it looked so much better than before just by removing the relics of the past and she'd never complained about the décor – it simply wasn't important. But now Harry had someone new to consider - Jamie. Harry had already spent some time decorating Jamie's room in Gryffindor colours with moving pictures of the English Quidditch team, and various charts and diagrams detailing famous moves in Quidditch history. He loved it; it was just what he would have wanted when he was younger and he couldn't wait to show Jamie. What Harry had failed to do though, was to consider the rest of the house.

Surveying it there was only one word that sprang to his mind; Awful. It wasn't a home, it hardly looked like anyone even lived there – there wasn't even any pictures on the wall. It wasn't even clean, it was probably last decorated when Sirius' mother was born and, Harry noted grimly, it smelt. He'd left for work that day and didn't honestly think that a few days was going to be long enough to make it fit for Hermione and Jamie to live in. He'd felt depressed and desolate but he was determined to make it better when he got home. He'd even looked up common cleaning and decorating spells whilst he was in the office, before Kinglsey Shacklebolt had spotted him and asked him politely to return to his 'superficial work of keeping the wizarding world safe from the looney Death Eater brigade'. He left bang on six o'clock – an extremely unusual event for him, since he was usually last to leave – and returned home with a feeling of dread settling over him. The one thing he hadn't counted on was Ginny.

Ron had promised that he would call in as soon as he'd checked on Arthur, and Luna would join them later in the evening. So, when Harry walked into the living room and heard voices he'd assumed it was them. So he shouted 'hello' and strolled into the kitchen and was quite surprised to see Ginny stirring what seemed to be a pot of stew and her fiancé Mark sat at the table.

"Hi Harry." She said, looking at him strangely.

"Hi?"

"Hiya mate" Mark said to Harry, and then "Babes I'm just gonna nip home and get that stuff – that ok?"

"Sure" Ginny said, still staring at Harry as Mark left. "Ron told me you wanted to clean the house up, so I thought I'd help – hope you don't mind that we started already?"

Harry thought it was odd that Ginny was talking to him like that – like they weren't close and that it was unusual for her to pop in when he wasn't there, because it wasn't. Then he remembered. She'd known all along. He stared at her unsure of what to say or how to feel. Here was Ginny, best friend and confidant. Loyal to him. Would die for him. Nearly did in seventh year. Lied to him.

His stomach had churned over and over as he kept staring, searching her face for a clue as to why she wouldn't tell him about his own son. Eventually she spoke-

"Its ok if you hate me Harry. I really wouldn't blame you. I wanted to tell you-really I did-"

"Then why didn't you?" Said Harry in a surprisingly calm voice.

"Because it was Hermione's choice; she had to tell you – I was so sure she'd change her mind when the baby was born. But she's stubborn-she believed she was doing the best for you-that it would make you happy in the long run and that's all she wanted... I'm sorry Harry." She'd said.

Eventually-"Its ok Gin-really. I don't want to concentrate on the past now-just the future."

He'd been really surprised at his whole attitude to Ginny. But he didn't care anymore. He didn't want to dwell on the past when his future was something he was actually looking forward to. So he, Ginny and Mark had got on with the cleaning. Ron and Luna had turned up a little while later and had taken control of most of the second floor, while Harry had taken on the first floor with Ginny sorting out the foul kitchen and Mark the attic.

Between them that had transformed the house. Looking at Harry couldn't remember why he'd not done all this before – it looked so much better. _Never had anyone to impress before though did you Potter – 'Mione didn't stick around that long._

On the second night they were ready to start choosing the colour schemes for each room, and whilst Ron and Mark were not in the least bit bothered, Harry found himself strangely interested in which colours looked best in which type of room. Of course Luna and Ginny decided his tastes wouldn't really be appreciated by Hermione and so eventually took control.

With only one night to go before Hermione and Jamie would join him, everything looked perfect. He was happy with how his place looked and that was a new experience for him. And so he sat, content, in the luxurious sofa in the living room, thanking his lucky stars that his friends had helped so much. Molly and Arthur, Tonks, Lupin and even Dumbledore had called in to help at different points, all being acutely aware of how much it meant to Harry. He was feeling pretty happy with himself –only one more night to go.

The nights since he left Hermione's place had been spent tossing and turning when he'd eventually gone to bed. He'd been so knackered that sleep had eventually claimed him for a few hours before he'd need to get up for work. As long as he was busy he couldn't dwell. The fact that he'd had barely any sleep didn't bother him; he still felt happier than he had in a long time. He was smiling when he fell asleep, thinking of Jamie and Hermione and trying not to think how many minutes and seconds it would be before they were with him.

xxx

"Harry?" said the voice. "Harry are you there?"

"HERMIONE!" Harry yelled, sitting bolt upright on the settee. Memories of the past, of her being in trouble, flooded through him, as per usual when anything happened suddenly.

"Harry?" said her voice from the fire. It wasn't a frightened voice, just concerned. He looked. She was there. He composed himself quickly.

"'Mione." He looked at her sheepishly, and she half-wished he wouldn't call her that; wouldn't remind her of the past they had together.

"I'm sorry I woke you – I didn't think you'd be asleep yet – it's still early."

"Yeah – I was just dozing really. Er-is something wrong? You're still moving tomorrow right? You haven't changed your mind?" He said, moving towards the fire and trying to ignore the pleading sound in his voice.

"No- I mean – nothings wrong. I-well-" She half-laughed "-someone, wanted to say goodnight. You don't mind do you?"

"Hell no!" Her eyes narrowed at the use of his language. "I mean- that'd be great."

"Ok – he's never done this and he's a little nervous, even if he has nagged me to death today – he just really wants to speak to you."

"Me too" was all Harry could say wiping his eyes and hoping he wouldn't cry in front of his son; he'd think he was a right wimp.

"Jamie-"

"Can I speak now?"

"Of course darling – just do what I told you-"

There was shuffling at the other end, before Jamie came into view.

"Hello?"

"Hey Jamie!" A huge smile appeared in the fire.

"Mum says I got to be quick because its bedtime and I'm gonna be seeing you everyday from tomorrow anyway."

_Yeah it's gonna be fantastic._ "Ok Son" Son. How weird does that feel?

"I just wanted to say goodnight and to ask you something."

"Ask away" said Harry, the smile on his face still not diminished.

"Is it true that you could have played professional Quidditch?"

Harry chuckled to himself. "Did your Mum tell you that?"

"Yeah – is it true?"

"After I finished school I got an offer to play pro Quidditch, but I turned it down."

"So don't you think that the son of a nearly-pro Quidditch player should be allowed to learn how to fly?"

"You're too young Jamie Potter – I already said no." came the voice from the other side of the fire.

Jamie face fell and he sighed – "I better go to bed I guess."

"I guess you'd better. Goodnight Jamie."

"Goodnight Daddy." _Daddy. He called me Daddy. I'm his Dad._

Harry didn't sleep that night. He wouldn't have been able to, even if he tried so he didn't bother trying. He just sat on the couch, smiling to himself and savouring the moment when his son had first called him Daddy.


	18. The Fear And The Moving

Chapter 18

**The Fear and the Moving**

He apparated a little before nine o'clock. They'd not set a time for the moving and whilst Harry was desperate for it all to get going, he knew Hermione would be stressed and he didn't want to get there too early again. He'd showered, dressed, eaten a small amount of breakfast [he felt sick with excitement], inspected the house a few times and paced the study a few hundred times before leaving.

He apparated in front of Hermione's place, rather than straight inside, because he was so desperate not to upset Hermione in any way shape or form. So he pushed the doorbell on the front door and waited.

But no one came.

He waited a few minutes and pressed the button again. Then, thinking that the bell must be broken, he knocked on the door. And then he knocked again. But there was still no answer. He looked through the window. There was nothing in the living room. _Nothing_.

Harry began to loose control of his breathing-_She wouldn't of left? Where is she? I've scared her off-it was too quick. I rushed her. Now she's gone. I won't see her again. I'll never hold her again. Jamie. I'll never see Jamie again. I'll never see my son again. Tears were streaming down his face, but he neither noticed nor cared. I'll never hear him say Daddy again. I won't be able to teach him to fly. He'll think I left him. Why's she gone? What did I do?_- He was sat outside the front door, head in hands when-

"Harry?"

"Daddy?"

He looked up and a tremendous amount of relief washed over him. They were here. She hadn't gone again. His chest hurt and he remembered how to breathe again. He looked at them. Hermione had a confused look on her face, and Jamie looked anxious as they both surveyed him. He wiped his eyes quickly and a smile formed on his face-

"Hi." He said, his voice sounded normal, and he saw Jamie's anxiety vanish as he came to give Harry a hug. Harry picked him up and held him really close, before putting him back down and turning to Hermione. She was starring at him, a look of confusion still on her face and something like guilt appearing in her eyes.

"Are you ok?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah I'm fine – you?"

"Fine thanks"

"Good." Harry turned towards Jamie again, praying Hermione wouldn't realise he'd been crying and even more that she wouldn't realise why.

xxx

"Babe – go check your room one last time, and then the study ok?" Hermione said when they were stood in the kitchen.

"Ok Mummy" Jamie replied happily and set off upstairs. Harry stood where he was a shuffled his feet uncomfortably. He wasn't sure she'd seen him, but if she had she was definitely going to want to talk about it now, and he didn't want to make her mad.

There was an uneasy silence; Hermione surveyed Harry and Harry surveyed his feet.

He heard her sigh. She'd noticed.

"We went to the café... you know where you first found me again?"

It was all he could do to nod.

"I won't take him from you again Harry." She said quietly and he looked up. She wasn't mad with him; she was crying.

More out of instinct than anything else Harry moved forward, closed the gap between them and brushed away the tears from her eyes. The guilt was evident now, and it made him feel ashamed that he'd thought she'd leave.

"I won't take him now I know you're happier with him. I promise."

"I know" he heard himself say.

His hands were still on her face brushing away tears that were falling from her eyes and without thinking he closed the gap and brought his lips to hers. She didn't stop him and he kissed her gently. He'd not intended to, he just wanted to comfort her, to say he was sorry for making her cry. But then she kissed back and he couldn't help it, he kissed her back with all the passion he'd kept locked up for so many years.

Harry wasn't really aware of anything except Hermione and how much he wanted and needed her. His hands were on her; hers on his and it was all they wanted.

And then reality kicked in-

"Mummy?" Yelled a voice from upstairs. They stopped kissing and pulled away from each other, but their eyes remained locked; each trying to read what the other was thinking.

"Mum?" said the voice from beside her. She and Harry had been so busy staring at each other that she'd not even noticed Jamie bounding down the stairs to fetch her.

"Yes Honey-sorry- what's the matter?" Her eyes had left his, but she could feel him watching her.

"I found some more books in your room, but they're ones I'm not allowed to touch."

"Thank you sweetheart... why don't you show Harry-your Dad which stuff needs moving first?"

"Ok Mummy. Come on Daddy." Harry's head whipped around to look at Jamie, a huge grin on his face. Jamie took Harry's hand and started to drag him away, but not before he'd turned to look at Hermione again, with a look on his face that clearly showed that they would be talking about this later.

It took Hermione a few minutes to compose herself. When Harry had been kissing her she felt alive again, but now she had to deal with the consequences. He'd only done it, she told herself, because he was upset, because he'd arrived at her place and finding it empty had thought she'd gone, and had taken Jamie with her. _Jamie_. He was what was important in all of this. He deserved a Mother and a Father. Now he was going to get that and her and Harry kissing couldn't possibly be a good thing as far as he was concerned; She and Harry would fall out or argue and that would make life uncomfortable for them and Jamie. That's not fair she told herself. Besides he was just upset. He doesn't want you like that anymore, not after what you did too him. She pushed her thoughts away and set off towards her room._ It doesn't matter if you still want him like that. You don't deserve him. Had your chance and blew it. But his kisses..._She took a deep breath and scolded herself for allowing her thoughts to once again drift.

It was going to be difficult living with Harry just being friends. Very difficult indeed.


	19. Settling In Part One

Chapter 19

**Settling In - Part One**

Everything had been moved to Grimmauld Place by lunchtime. Harry had been responsible for transporting everything there, while Hermione and Jamie had sorted their things out from the rest so they could go straight into their own rooms. Now he was just waiting for them. Hermione had asked him to give her and Jamie a few minutes on their own to say goodbye to the house, so he'd apparated back and since Jamie was too young, they were going to floo.

So he was stood in front of the fireplace, waiting. Actually he was pacing in front of the fireplace. He wasn't scared they weren't going to turn up this time, he was just worried in case they didn't like the house. In case they preferred living in France, without him. For some strange reason Harry found himself trying to make his hair lie flat. It was ridiculous really; Jamie's hair was nearly as messy as Harry's and Hermione had known him forever and wouldn't be bothered would she? He remembered when she used to tease him about his untidy hair and how he used to spend hours before a date trying anything to make it flatter, always without success. Then one time she'd caught him trying to make it flat by magic and had got really cross with him. He'd been totally baffled until she confessed that she liked his unruly hair, almost as much as his eyes, which he knew she adored. He stopped fidgeting with his hair and instead occupied his hands by flicking through a book.

As soon as he heard them arriving he discarded the book and moved further towards the fireplace to greet them. Unfortunately he moved too far forward and collided with a dizzy Hermione. As Harry gazed down at her, he felt someone's eyes on him, and remembering where he was he got up suddenly and helped Hermione to her feet.

"Sorry." He said apologetically.

"It's ok."

"Hey!" he said to Jamie.

"Hi" came the reply, but the voice was not the happy one Harry had been used to hearing; Jamie sounded sad. Harry realised he must be sad to be leaving his house, but earlier Jamie had been happy at the thought of coming to England, to live with him. Harry felt worried; he wondered if Jamie had changed his mind about wanting to move, about wanting to live with him. He felt sick; it was his fault Jamie was unhappy; he should have moved to Paris, that way Jamie would still feel settled.

She saw the frown form on his face and noticed the guilt in his eyes. She'd known he'd blame himself for asking them to move and she was right. But as well as Hermione knew Harry's ways of thinking, she knew Jamie's better. She knew he was happy to be here, happy to finally have Harry in his life, and just a little sad at having to leave the house he'd always known. And she knew all it would take to cheer him up; and that would cheer up his Dad as well.

"Is everything put in the right room Harry?"

"Huh?" he mumbled. "Yeah-um- all the boxes from the house are put in the rooms you put on the labels, ready for you to sort them out. Your stuff is in your bedroom and Jamie's is in his room." Harry finished, unhappily.

She saw Jamie's ears twitch slightly and continued-

"So do you think we ought to unpack the house stuff first, or our own rooms?"

"Dunno."

"What do you think Jamie?"

He shrugged his shoulders a little too quickly and thought about it for a few minutes-

"We could unpack our bedroom stuff first and then the house stuff, and then that way if we don't finish unpacking all the house things today, then at least we've already unpacked out own rooms before bedtime." Jamie said proudly.

"That's a great idea sweetheart." Hermione replied, resisting the urge to smile- "Harry did you say Jamie's room is finished or is it one of the rooms that needs redecorating?"

Jamie's eyes light up as he turned to face his father.

"Well I decorated it." And then-seeing Jamie smile- said "but if you don't like it we can change it when we've finished unpacking."

"Good-that's sorted then." Hermione said, ruffling Jamie's hair. "So Harry-why don't you show us Jamie's room.

Harry was feeling better when they arrived outside Jamie's new room. Jamie smiled when he saw the "Jamie's Bedroom" sign on the outside, with a realistic Gryffindor lion above it-

"Wow!" Jamie said "That's so cool- mum look its just like a Gryffindor lion."

"Yeah" Hermione said. She was smiling too, Harry noticed.

"Gonna go in then?" said Harry.

Jamie rewarded him with a huge, familiar grin before opening the door. He yelled for joy when he saw it. He seemed to be trying to take it all in at once-

"Wow! Quidditch!!! Quidditch stuff mum!! In my room! Look at that-I want a broom like that – Wow – that looks so cool-"

This went on for some time and Harry and Hermione just stood there beaming at their little boy. Then Jamie ran up to them both and gathered them all together in a huge hug, still squealing in delight.

It took them both by surprise, but they hugged him back-

"So you like your new room?" Hermione asked.

"Its BRILLIANT!!" Jamie yelled. "Thanks" he said.

"Your Dad did all this not me sweetheart." Hermione said standing up from the family hug. She was near to crying she knew, but was determined to keep it together. But then Jamie turned to his Father and looked right into his eyes and said "Thank you Daddy – it's brilliant!" They hugged, and tears leaked silently from her eyes. She met Harry's and noticed he was crying too.


	20. Settling In Part Two

Chapter 20

**Settling In - Part Two**

Jamie decided he wanted to unpack all his things into his "brilliant" room, right away and since Harry said he'd help him, Hermione decided she would go unpack her stuff as well. When she asked him where her room and he'd said next door to the left, she wasn't sure what to say or how to feel; she knew that was Harry's room.

"I'm down the hall." He'd replied, seeing her eyes.

So she'd gone next door and was herself greeted with a surprise. She'd slept in that room many times before, but had never seen it looking like this. It was clean, and new and looked amazing. The walls were a pale cream colour, which contrasted nicely with the deep red colours of the curtains and the soft carpet. The four-poster bed was draped in an amazingly intricate lacy material on top of cream, silk, sheets. There were two small prints on the wall, which complemented the décor but which Hermione would have picked purely on artistic merit. There was a piano in the corner, and a separate door into her walk-in wardrobe, and adjoining en-suite. Little lights had been magically placed in different places around the room and there was even a photo of Jamie by her bed. _It must have taken him hours, even using magic._ Tears leaked from her eyes for the second time in as many hours as she looked at her new bedroom.

An hour or so later there was a knock on the door.

"Come in."

The door opened and there stood her boys. _Your boy Hermione! Not your boys! Your boy- and his father-who is being exceptionally kind to you considering what you've done, so don't blow it!_ Jamie came into her room first, while Harry stood watching her from the door.

"Your rooms nice too Mum..." said Jamie "But mine's better". They all smiled.

"Do you like it Hermione?" Harry asked her, his voice quite low.

"It's wonderful Harry - thank you."

"Can I go play in my room Dad?" Jamie said.

That shocked him a bit, Hermione noticed.

"Course you can" Harry said smiling.

So Jamie left to go play, leaving Harry and Hermione in her room. They both noticed. Harry, however, had already decided what he was going to say. It just took him a few minutes to actually speak.

Hermione had continued to unpack while Harry was gathering his thoughts, but she was just as aware as he was that there was an air of unease in the room.

"Hermione"

"Yeah" she said, not looking at him.

"I wanted to talk to you about before, at the house." He was staring at her, but she carried on folding clothes, appearing not to notice, so he continued "...Well the kiss really-" She was still folding. "Well... are you mad?"

She stopped and looked at him. "What?"

"Are you mad-that I kissed you?"

"No." she said and he smiled. Then she looked at him and her eyes told him that what she was going to say, he wasn't going to like. "...But it can't happen again."

"Why the hell not?" Harry countered, moving towards her.

"Because of Jamie"

WHACK. He'd not expected that.

"What do you mean?" he asked her, his voice no longer angry or annoyed, but concerned.

"Jamie's whole life has just changed Harry. He's getting to know you, moving house, he's gonna have to settle in a new school, make new friends-"

"Yeah-" Harry said interrupting "-Why does that mean-"

"Because" Hermione said, interrupting him "he doesn't need any more change – he needs consistency and support and that's not something we can give him if we're... well – if we're doing stuff like that." Her words hung in the air.

"But-"

"But nothing. We'd argue or fight and I will never subject him to that."

"Just because your-" But he already knew her mind was set.

"You can't tell me that if we're anything other than friends, it won't be complicated because it would be complicated. You know it would."

"It could be a good complicated 'Mione" Harry said pleadingly, sadly.

"I won't have him growing up in a house with constant rows Harry. I won't do that to him – it's horrible and I won't put him through it."

So he left.

She cried of course, for that which she would never have. But she'd had to make a choice and decided; _it was for the best_. The best for Jamie and probably the best for Harry and herself; it was certainly going to be easier.

He was gutted as well. He'd expected her to dismiss him and so he wasn't that surprised. But he had let himself hope. Since the kiss, since she kissed him back, he'd let himself dream that she would want to be with him. That they could be together again. He dreamed they'd be a real family and when Jamie'd hugged them both he let himself believe that one day they really would be a proper family. _His family._ But she didn't want that, because she didn't want him. She'd already given up a lot so Jamie could get to know him properly and he decided that was that. They'd be friends. He'd try to make her happy as a friend and try to make sure she didn't regret coming home. It didn't matter if it was going to kill him on the inside, he just had to be a grown up and accept it.


	21. Prelunch

Chapter 21

**Pre-Lunch**

After a long and sleepless night, Harry decided to give up on sleeping and get up. Despite the fact that the conversation with Hermione was still fresh in his mind, he found himself looking forward to the day. All the Weasley's were coming over for lunch plus Remus, Tonks, Dumbledore and McGonagall if she could make it and Harry was really looking forward to introducing them to his son. _His son_. He was still getting used to it, but every time he thought about Jamie he smiled.

He'd shaved and dressed and was walking along the corridor when he heard a noise from Jamie's room. It sounded a bit like a whooshing kind of noise, but it sounded so out of place that curiosity got the better of him as he opened the door quietly. He smiled. Jamie was jumping up and down on the bed, making flying noises as he played with a miniature version of the latest firebolt. He looked so happy, so content and didn't even notice as Harry shut the door silently. He leaned against Jamie's door, never feeling happier until glanced down the corridor towards his old room. _It's not fair, it's just not fair, why can't I have them both?_

xxxxx

Hermione felt sick. Her conversation with Harry was playing through her mind like a constant torture and in less than an hour she was going to face the wrath of Molly Weasley. Ron had taken care of telling everyone that she was back and about Jamie of course and everyone was keen to come by and meet him. Harry had decided that it would be easier if they just had a party and invited them all, so they could meet Jamie at the same time. She'd agreed. It was better that they all got to meet him at the same time and it would be easier for Jamie. And she'd missed them all – she really had. But the thought of what they would think of her made her feel physically sick. Especially Molly. She didn't know how she was going to be able to look her in the eyes.

xxxxx

When Hermione came downstairs Harry was setting out a dining table and Jamie was curled up on a chair reading a book. Every now and then he'd turn his head to look at his son and smile. _Stop it Hermione! You'll start crying again – Get a grip!_ She forced a smile onto her face and walked towards Harry-

"Can I help?"

Harry turned to her, a welcome smile on his face. "You don't have to."

"I don't mind – what can I do?"

"You could do the drinks then? They're all in the kitchen."

"Ok" she said to him, and ruffled Jamie's hair on the way out. He giggled at her and she smiled. _Maybe today won't be too bad._

xxxxx

Molly Weasley had already decided what she was going to do and no amount of coxing by her husband was going to change her mind. When Ron had told her all about Hermione and Jamie she'd been shocked. She couldn't believe that Hermione would do that to Harry; that _Hermione_ would get it so wrong. She was angry for Harry and she was sad that she'd missed out on so much of Hermione and Jamie's life, after all she thought of Hermione as her own daughter.

When Ginny found out her Mother knew about Jamie, she'd come home to try and explain Hermione's point of view. She was surprised to find that her Mother didn't need talking around, that she could understand why Hermione did it and that her initial anger had diminished and sadness taken over. But that was nearly a week ago, and as much as Molly was dying to go and visit she had waited patiently until Hermione and Jamie had settled in. And now they were all going to lunch. They were going to meet Jamie and see Hermione again and Molly couldn't wait.

"Ready Molly?" Came Arthur's voice from the living room. "I said we'd be at Ginny's five minutes ago, and if we're going to get to Harry's in time for lunch, we need to leave."

"Coming dear." She said walking in to join him.

"And Molly?"

"Yes dear?"

"Promise me you won't-"

"Won't what?"

Arthur sighed wearily. "Molly-it isn't our place to interfere whatever we think."

"I'm not going to interfere Arthur dear, I'm just going to help those two-"

"They won't thank you for it."

"Maybe not at first. But they will. Harry and Hermione _belong_ together we both know that. All they need is a little push"

"But Molly-"

"But nothing." He could see her mind was set, so there was no point trying to argue. "And besides dear, if _we_ hadn't been pushed we wouldn't be here now would we" she said smiling at him. He kissed her quickly and they apparated to Ginny's together.

**A/N: Thanks to all the reviewers!**


	22. Preparing

Chapter 22

**Preparing**

She'd set out the drinks on the table and read for a while with Jamie, she'd tidied a few things in the kitchen and then taken herself to the bathroom to throw up. With this accomplished, Hermione returned to the living room and sat on the couch next to Jamie, waiting for the inevitable.

"Not nervous are you 'Mione?" Harry said.

"Course not." _But please stop calling me that this is hard enough._

"They'll be fine."

"I know." _But please let me crawl into a hole and die._

Harry surveyed her silently, trying to read her thoughts, but she was still so guarded he couldn't even tell if she was happy to be back.

"I'm gonna feed Buckbeak before everyone gets here ok?"

"Ok" Hermione replied vaguely, but she barely heard Harry leave the room.

A rush of noise from the fireplace brought Hermione out of her reverie. She looked over and was more than pleased to see a beaming Ron Weasley. She got up from the couch and was enveloped in a huge hug.

"Geez Hermione – its good to see you. I'm so glad you're back."

"Thanks Ron." _Oh please don't start crying, you won't stop._

"No need to ask who you are." Ron said to Jamie. Jamie was still so engrossed in his book that he'd not even noticed Ron arrive. Ron smiled down at him-"Just like his mother" he said fondly.

She smiled. _Thank God for Ron._

"Jamie" she said softly.

"Yeah Mum-oh." Jamie said realising there was another person in the room, who was looking at him funny.

"Jamie – this is my friend Ron. Ron- well this is Jamie."

"Wouldn't of guessed." Ron said to her-"Hi Jamie – its really great to meet you."

"Its nice to meet you too." Said Jamie, moving to stand by his Mother.

"I got you a present – well, sorta to say welcome."

"Ron you didn't have to do that." Said Hermione.

"Oh ignore her mate- go on open it." Jamie obliged.

"WOW! Mum-it's a real flying broomstick. WOW!"

"It's just a model but when you're older we'll get you a real full sized one-"

"When you're a lot older Jamie, _right_ Uncle Ron?" Hermione said with meaning.

"Course yeah."

"Thanks Uncle Ron – it's brilliant."

"What's brilliant?" Said Harry walking into the room. "Hey Ron."

"Hey mate – just given the little man a gift. Firebolt like yours-"

"Daddy _you_ have a firebolt – a real one? Can I see it? Can I have a go?" Hermione looked sick, Harry noticed and he'd already figured he wouldn't make the day worse for her so-

"Well I do have a firebolt, yes you can see it but not today, and you can only have a go on it when you're older – that do?"

"Ok – can I go play with this in the garden?"

"Sure – go ahead."

"Thanks!" Jamie replied and ran off to play.

"Garden?" said Hermione.

"Yeah we added it last week – pretty cool actually" said Ron.

"Where's Luna ad Arthur?" Harry asked Ron.

"Following on – Arthur decided to throw up everywhere so Luna said I should come on first."

There was a bit of an awkward silence that consisted mainly of Hermione looking at their own feet, and Ron looking between them. It reminded them all of when Harry and Hermione had told Ron that they were dating; no body knew quite what to say.

"Er-just in case anyone asks... erm- are you too..."

"What?" Harry said.

"Well you know- together" Ron said shrugging.

"No" they both said in unison.

"Oh-right." Harry and Hermione both breathed a silent sigh of relief- "Why not?" Ron added.

Harry didn't quite know how to answer Ron and Hermione seemed to have lost the power of speech.

"It's just- well- you know, everyone's gonna wanna know why you guys aren't together, especially since you have Jamie now and well-you know..."

"Know what?" Harry said dimly.

"Well you know-still have feelings for each other" Ron said uncomfortably, perhaps realising that he was actually speaking his thoughts as well as thinking them.

_I hate you Ronald Weasley._ "We're just friends Ron." Hermione said quietly.

"Right. Ok... Food all ready or do you need a hand with anything." _Good-food-safe topic – now don't look at Harry and everything will be fine._

Fortunately Harry seemed to thinking along the same lines and dragged Ron into the kitchen under the pretence of sorting out more food.

It took Hermione quite a while to compose herself, particularly with the thought of Dumbledore, McGonagall and Molly Weasley arriving soon. She couldn't quite believe Ron and his questioning; she knew he'd not asked to make her or Harry feel awkward, that he was just being a friend, but the fact that he'd waded into a difficult situation and made it worse was just typical. She didn't really blame him, she supposed they'd all want to know why her and Harry weren't together, but she herself did not want to analyse and speculate and deal with any of it. _It was easier to just leave it,_ she'd told herself, and that was that. _You just have to get over it. Get over him._

And then they all arrived.


	23. The Longest Lunch

Chapter 23

**The Longest Lunch**

With a sigh of relief Hermione shut her bedroom door. She'd put Jamie down and now she needed sleep. She changed and got into her luxurious bed. It hadn't gone too badly she reflected, not as bad as she'd thought. Dumbledore had been supportive, hadn't judged her and had been thoroughly delighted when Jamie asked him if he could call him "Grandpa Albie". McGonagall had been ready to pounce into a speech that Hermione could guess would start and end in how irresponsible they had both been, but Jamie had got to her first and wide-eyed asked her if she really could turn into a cat as his new favourite uncle had promised. Hermione and indeed the rest of the room had been shocked when McGonagall obliged Jamie's interest and his characteristically enthusiastic response to her transformation had led to McGonagall following Jamie around for the rest of the afternoon – Ron had even commented on how he'd never seen McGonagall act so Motherly before.

And then there was Molly.

Her old professors, Hermione knew she would be able to handle; the head of the Weasley clan, however, was a totally different matter. Molly had arrived with Arthur, Ginny and Mark who had all been delighted to see her again, and in Mark's case to meet her for the first time. And they'd all loved Jamie of course. But Molly had hung back and waited, when Hermione expected her to be at the front of the queue. Molly had gone to Harry, to check on him and Mother him, and hadn't wanted to know her. She was hurt, but not totally surprised, she couldn't honestly say that if she were Molly she'd want to speak her either. So Harry had introduced her to Jamie, with Hermione watching from across the room, her heart breaking and her head telling herself not to cry. She had watched Jamie and Harry and saw how happy they were. She'd never felt sicker or sadder in her whole life.

Hermione had kept herself busy; offering food and catching up with Ginny and Luna, who arrived eventually. She loved little Arthur already; he was so much like Ron except that he was so much calmer, like Luna. Ginny was so happy with Mark, who Hermione thought was a really nice and caring guy. When the twins arrived they actually made her laugh; she'd forgotten what fun they were.

"Mummy, Mummy..."

"Yes sweetheart?" Hermione'd said turning from George to look at her son.

"Dad said we can go to Diagon Alley this week, if its ok with you. Is it? Is it ok Mummy? Can we go? PLEEEEEASSSSSE!" He'd begged.

"Ok" She'd said smiling, watching as he'd gone off to tell Harry who was out in the garden. And that was when she'd made the mistake of going into the kitchen.

"Hello Hermione." Molly Weasley had said.

Hermione hadn't noticed her when she walked into the kitchen and so spun on her heels feeling very shocked.

"Hello Molly" she'd managed eventually, tears already forming in her eyes.

"Can't you even look at me child?" Hermione had raised her eyes from the spot on the ground and willed herself not to be sick all over Harry's new kitchen. She'd been terrified she remembered, terrified of what Molly would say and terrified of how she'd look at her. But she'd been wrong. When she'd looked in Molly's eyes she only saw sadness. The same sadness she'd seen when Percy was killed and if anything that had made Hermione feel worse; someone else she loved that she'd hurt so badly. So they'd cried together and Molly hugged her in one of those Weasley hugs that for the first time made Hermione feel glad to be Home.

Of course Molly had said they would talk later, and she knew then she'd have to face questions about the past eight years, but it seemed to be enough for Molly that she and Jamie were here with Harry; that Harry was ok with the situation. The rest of the day and eventually evening was spent happily, catching up with her friends and second family, without ever feeling like they hated or resented her for what she had done. And now she could relax. It was a pleasant kind of exhaustion; the kind you get from spending happy hours chatting and laughing. It was a kind of exhaustion Hermione hadn't felt in a long time, only it was tinged with sadness and regret. Knowing that they would have accepted her back years ago made her reflect on all the times she nearly written to Harry to tell him about Jamie. She rolled over on the bed and a tear ran down her cheek. She was tired, but her mind was awake and it kept reminding her of how it all could have been.

xxxx

Hermione usually put Jamie to bed. It was what Jamie was used to and Harry didn't want to upset his routine. But since Jamie had moved in Harry had dropped in to say goodnight to him every night; to tell him he loved him. Harry never had that as a child and he was surprised at how determined he was to make sure his son knew he loved him. Tonight was no different. Jamie was asleep before Hermione even laid his head on the pillow, but that didn't stop Harry from kissing him goodnight and saying "I love you Jamie" before leaving Hermione in Jamie's room.

He waited for her outside Jamie's room, but she was so tired she didn't notice him and went straight into her bedroom. Harry wasn't quite sure if he should knock on her door or not. He knew she was tired and drained from the day, and to be honest so was he. Even though he couldn't remember a happier day in his life, Harry was tired and wanted to sleep. But he wanted to talk to Hermione more.

He'd tried to make sure that everything went smoothly; that Hermione wouldn't feel stressed or worried, just happy to be home, and for the large part he felt he'd achieved it. But she still seemed sad. And he needed to know if that was because of him; because of the kiss or because of moving home, he wanted to know; he wanted to make it better – to make her happy. So he'd figured they'd talk. And at least that way he'd know if it was him that was making her sad.

Now he was stood in front of her door. He wasn't sure how long he'd been stood there trying to work up the courage to knock but he knew he'd have to soon or she'd be asleep.

_KNOCK KNOCK_

"Come in sweetie-its ok" came Hermione's voice.

Harry, bewildered, opened the door.

"Hi" he said lamely.

"Oh-Harry... I-I'm sorry – I thought you were Jamie." She was sat up in the bed looking at him. He blushed.

"Sorry – erm..." Great now you don't know what to say. "I was just wondering- well- if you were ok – after today I mean."

Maybe it was out of habit, but he'd moved to sit with her on the bed almost without noticing. She noticed, he thought, but since Hermione didn't seem to mind, Harry wasn't eager to move.

"I'm ok" said a voice, not quite sounding like Hermione.

"Sure?"

"Yeah- just..." She breathed out heavily "well- just a bit overwhelmed I guess. Take a bit of time to get used to everything again." Harry nodded, but remained quiet. He'd known her for long enough to realise that if he kept quiet, and she did want to talk, then she would. "Molly was really good about it actually. They were all really nice."

Harry frowned. "Why wouldn't they be? They all love you..."

"I know but- well considering-"

"Considering what?" He turned to look at her, directly in her eyes.

"That I left you. That I took you son that you adore, away from you. That I hurt you so badly – you want me to go on?" She said it full of anger, like he'd been needling her to make her suffer.

"Hermione."

"What?" she said, quieter this time.

"Did you think they'd hate you?" She didn't say anything. "Do you think I hate you?"

"I wouldn't blame you – I wouldn't blame them." She was so lost, so desolate that he took her in his arms and held her tightly. She made to pull away, but he held her there.

"I love you. I could never hate you and that's how they feel too. I won't lie and say I wasn't hurt when you left, because I was. I never got over it. But now- you're back. And it hurts that I missed so much of Jamie growing up – it does. But I don't hate you. I realise that you did what you thought was best for me. I think you got it wrong – but you know that, and whether you think in hindsight that you were right or wrong, it doesn't really matter. It's done. It can't be undone." She snuggled into him, probably because she's tired he thought absently. "I want to move on Hermione. I want to put the past where it belongs – _in the past._ I want to be with you – not because of Jamie, because of us. I want what we had. I know it won't be easy, won't be straightforward, but it never has been with us has it? I know you said no, because you don't want Jamie growing up in the same type of environment you did – but it really wouldn't be like that – we're _not_ you parents. I want you to think about it – think about what I've said – what do you say?" He looked down and sighed. She was asleep. _Fantastic_. Harry sighed and hoped that she'd heard most of what he'd said, but knowing his luck she probably fell asleep right away.

He laid her head on the pillow and was going to leave when he looked at her sleeping and decided to snuggle down with her on the bed. _At least that way she'll have to talk to me in the morning _he thought, while returning her to his arms and falling asleep.


	24. Talking

Chapter 24

**Talking**

Hermione felt wonderfully full of sleep. She decided it was the pillow; it felt so soft and cuddly. Only it cuddled back? She opened her eyes a little, and then seeing Harry's form, opened them a lot. _What the hell happened last night? Why is beautiful Harry Potter in my bed? BEAUTIFUL – stop it! I didn't drink last night did I? No. We didn't- no- clothes still on. How did he get here? Is this a good thing? NO-wait. Yes? No. Definitely not. Best as friends. And friends don't sleep in the same bed. Well still have clothes on so not too bad. Crap. Now what do I do. Head hurts. Wait – don't forget to breathe Hermione. Breathe in. Breathe out. Simple. If wake him, he'll want to talk. Breathe in. But how am going to get out of bed without waking him? Breathe out. Could just stay in bed. Breathe in. Not very practical Hermione! Breathe out._

While Hermione wrestled with her thoughts, she didn't seem to notice that the man beside her was awake and watching her with interest. _She's trying to figure out how to get up without waking you Potter._ He smiled.

"Good Morning" said Harry politely.

Her eyes darted towards him and she tried to read his eyes. He smiled at her and was pleased when she blushed. _Why?_ He wondered.

"Hi." Said the voice meekly. She looked away from him and sat up, but didn't, Harry was pleased to notice, move to get off the bed. _Yeah- but it's her bed idiot._

"We should talk about last night – clear the air." Harry said.

"Sure... yeah." She looked as uncomfortable as he felt but he had to continue, he might not get another chance.

"Erm- I meant it – all of it and I don't want to push you, but... I need to know how you feel – if what I said last night made any difference."

Silence.

"Hermione?"

_Shit. She's not talking. She must really hate you now Potter. You've really blown it._

"Harry... I'm sorry... really sorry..."

_Please just try to carry on breathing._

"No Harry" she said putting her hand on his "I'm sorry because I don't remember what you said last night." He looked at her, trying to work out if he heard correctly. "Really- I fell asleep pretty much when you-when you held me."

"You didn't hear any of it?"

"Not really – I'm sorry – I was really tired after everything and when you took me in your arms I just-well fell asleep."

"Oh."

Silence.

Hermione seemed to take a deep breath before- "so why do we need to clear the air – what did you say?"

"You really don't remember anything?"

_Nothing I'm certain of. Please just say it again._

"Well- erm." Harry sighed.

_You remembered wrong Hermione. You were just dreaming._

He took another deep breath and started speaking quite quickly "We were talking about the lunch. You said something like everyone was really nice considering and I said considering what. You said considering you hurt me and kept Jamie from me and I asked you if you thought they hated you and when you didn't answer I told it was crap to think that. Because it is Hermione-they all love you" He held her eyes with his and she was looking at him so intensely that he found it easy to go on, more naturally this time. "Then I told you that I love you. I really love you Hermione – not because of Jamie, but because of you. I want to be with you. I want us to give it another go. And I know that you're reluctant to because of Jamie. I know you're afraid that we'll end up like your Mum and Dad, arguing all the time and that Jamie will hate it. But we won't. I know we won't because we're friends. We're friends first and parents and we're smart enough not to let anything get in the way of that. We'll make it if you give us the chance."

Hermione looked a little shell shocked.

"-well that's basically what I said last night. And-erm... what do you think?"

She didn't say anything for a while.

"Harry – if... if we ever got together it might go wrong and Jamie-"

"Don't use our boy as an excuse not to be happy. We are not your parents. We might get it wrong – yes. We might screw it up – true. We'll probably argue – maybe even a lot sometimes – but that doesn't mean we're stupid enough to put Jamie through the rubbish you had to go through when you were his age. If you don't take a chance with life, then what's the point in living? You get one chance in life – one, that's all – and when its gone, its gone. We've already wasted so many years – please don't make us waste anymore."

His pleas were heartfelt and he meant every word, she could tell. She didn't know what to do, what to say or even how she was feeling. She wanted to tell him she loved him – that he was right and she wanted to give them another go, but she didn't really know how to start. Fortunately, or not-

"Mummy can- oh?" said the voice, walking into his mother's room "Dad? What are you doing here?"

Since Harry had Hermione's face in between his hands and was peering down at her intently, it took him a few seconds to regain his composure.

"I was- well me and Mum were talking." Harry said, not sure if his son was as astute as his Mother, in which case they were in for a lot of complicated questions, or if he was as astute as Harry himself, in which case Jamie would probably ask for breakfast or something.

"Oh." Jamie said, looking at his Mother who smiled back at him. "Ok. Can we visit Hogsmeade today or Diagon Alley?"

"Erm-" Said Hermione.

"After breakfast of course."

"We'll see" his Mother replied "but let's see to breakfast first."

Hermione got off the bed and began to lead Jamie out of the room.

"Ok Mummy – but that wasn't a "no" was it. It was an "I'll see"?" Hermione replied that it was – "You coming for breakfast too Daddy?" Jamie asked, turning towards him.

"Yeah course I am" Harry said, meeting Hermione's eyes and being thankful that his Son was so like himself.


	25. Three Little Words

Chapter 25

**Three Little Words**

He didn't know is she'd done it on purpose or not, but since that morning Hermione hadn't done as much as look in Harry's direction. Breakfast had been easy since Jamie was there and chattering away as usual, and since they had, after much pleading, decided to take Jamie into Hogsmeade, there hadn't been much opportunity for Harry to approach her.

When they got to Hogsmeade much of their time and effort was put into showing Jamie around their favourite shops. But Harry was bothered; a large part of him wanted to be enthusiastic about showing Jamie around one of his favourite places, but a part of him was still worried and fretting about Hermione. He tried not to let it show and threw himself into the whole experience, just hoping that Jamie didn't notice. But she did. Hermione knew him too well and had seen him wrestling him with his thoughts since breakfast. Finally, when they were going towards Fred and George's new shop Hermione took him aside-

"Harry?"

He was in his own little world but her voice pulled him back to reality-

"Yeah?" the nerves showing in his voice.

"I know you want to talk- about earlier. But lets just finish showing Jamie around and make sure he has a good time – we can talk later ok?"

He was a bit shocked so could only manage to nod dimly, but after a few minutes he came around and really started to get into the whole visit. He felt happier, lighter like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders; she would talk to him about it – _that's better than nothing_ he told himself. Harry ended up having a thoroughly good time in Hogsmeade, Hermione seemed to be having a good time watching Jamie and Harry larking about and Jamie loved it. They ended up taking him everywhere and bought him a good few presents too; Hermione had been concerned about spoiling him but Harry had said he wouldn't buy anything to extravagant and that he did have many years birthday presents to catch up on, so she'd relented, understanding his need to indulge his little boy as he never was. They stayed for lunch and then dinner at Hogsmeade and it was quite late when they eventually got home.

Harry put Jamie to bed and left Hermione in his room to say goodnight. He went down to the kitchen and poured himself a large Firewhisky. He wasn't going to get drunk, he just needed a little courage to face Hermione and what she had to say. He sat at the table and waited, contemplating what he was about to face and wondering if she still wanted him like he wanted her. Harry was so preoccupied with his thoughts he didn't see her standing by the doorway, watching him.

She was as nervous as he, if not more so. She'd taken as long as she reasonably could putting Jamie to bed, and now she had to face him. She had wanted to tell him that morning when he said he loved her. She wanted to show him in the afternoon, when he looked so unhappy. But Jamie was there and he was their priority. So she'd decided to wait until they got back home. _Home._ That was a strange concept to her. She hadn't had a home since Hogwarts. Even Paris didn't quite feel right. And now she had a home. With her son. And with Harry. The thought of it made her want to cry in joy, but another part of her couldn't bear the thought of it all going wrong. She'd been in turmoil. But now she'd decided he was right. What was the point of it all if she didn't take the risk? She just had to find a way to tell him.

She moved into the kitchen and he turned around. There was an uncomfortable silence until Hermione realised that he was waiting for her to speak. He kept fiddling with his glass, always a sign that he was stressed and Hermione found her mouth wouldn't speak what she was thinking. So she sat down. He looked at her and for once she couldn't read what he was thinking.

"Harry. What you said this morning..."

"Yeah?" Harry said, desperately wanting her to continue talking, but afraid she wouldn't say what he wanted to hear.

"... I don't-" Harry looked away fearing the worst and pleading with himself not to break down and cry.

"I don't really know where to begin." Hermione continued. He breathed. "It's difficult- I don't really know if I-" He took her hands in his.

"Hermione – please just tell me how you feel- what it is that you want."

She took a deep breath and summoned her courage- "... I- I want you."

She couldn't say anything after that since Harry had smothered her in a deep and passionate kiss. Before, he'd held back not knowing if she wanted him to kiss her, but three words later and his doubt had gone. He kissed her like it was the last time he'd see her and she returned with the same intensity. Her fear of everything going wrong was still there, but she'd shoved it aside when Harry began to kiss her. She wanted him. She wanted him to kiss her and hold her and never let her go; he wanted her forever, to make her want him so much she could never leave.


	26. Smiling

Chapter 26

**Smiling**

For the second morning in a row Harry Potter had woken up next to the woman he loved. Yesterday morning he hadn't been sure she would be pleased to find him next to her; this morning those doubts had gone. All the doubts Harry had had about his and Hermione's relationship had been laid to rest not once, but three times last night, and this morning he awoke with a huge smile on his face. He and Hermione were together. Properly together. He'd made love to her and her to him and for the first time he finally felt complete. _A whole person._ She'd told him she loved him, didn't want to live without him and needed him as much as he needed her.

He awoke her with a kiss. It was still early but she didn't seem to mind because she smiled right back at him. They kissed for a while; fleeting kisses gave way to deep passionate ones and eventually she called time-

"Harry!" she said laughing.

"What?" he said, his tone matching hers.

"We have to get up." She said, the matter seemingly resolved.

"No we don't" He whined and began to kiss her neck "We can just stay here for the day."

"Mmmnn" she said, enjoying him "No-we can't – what about Jamie's breakfast?"

"Oh yeah" Harry said lifting his head "S'ppse we better get up." And after a few moments- "Hermione?"

"Yeah?"

"What are we going to tell Jamie – about us I mean?"

xxxxx

They – rather Hermione – had decided that it was best not to tell Jamie just yet, just to give them both a chance to get used to their 'new' relationship. That 'not telling' thing was also extended to everyone they knew, just so Jamie couldn't find out, Hermione had assured Harry.

Harry, however, was concerned. His immediate panicked thoughts were that she'd changed her mind about being with him, but she must have sensed his anxiety because she reassured him that she just wanted to take their relationship slowly; something Harry found ridiculous after the previous night, but something Hermione insisted upon so Harry had relented. She had said she just needed a bit of time before everyone found out and Harry decided that overanalysing wasn't going to make the situation any better, so he just accepted that this was the way it was going to be for now.

Hermione had dressed and gone to make Jamie's breakfast, leaving Harry to shower and follow her down. When he got to the table Jamie wasn't there yet, and Hermione looked mad at him.

"'Mione? You ok?" She looked right at him.

"Absolutely fine" she said sarcastically "except for this!" Harry looked to where she was pointing on her neck and saw a very noticeable red mark.

"Oh... sorry." Harry said sheepishly "Here- let me get rid of it."

"What do you mean?" Hermione said a little bewildered. Harry moved his mouth to her neck and kissed her deeply. Hermione felt heat radiate through her and a small moan escaped her mouth. She felt him smile and move his lips away.

"Better?" Harry said as she moved to look in a nearby mirror.

"It's gone" she said, surprised "but – how?"

Harry smiled and kissed her lightly on the cheek- "Magic" he whispered, in his mock voice. He was feeling extremely smug with himself that he'd managed to impress her with a simple piece of magic he'd learnt long ago-

"So Harry- how long have you been able to do that?"

"Oh ages"

"Since school?"

"Definitely" he said, and then- "oh..."

"So-" Hermione began in a sweet voice, "-when we were at school and you gave me one of those lovely marks you're so fond of making, you could have actually removed it and therefore saved me the embarrassment of trying to cover it up?" Harry shrank visably in his chair, mad for betraying himself so obviously.

"-well... erm- you see Hermione-"

"Yes Harry?" she said, in that same, sweet voice.

"Kind of – well I suppose I could've – yeah." Harry said "Sorry" he added as an afterthought. "You mad?"

She half-laughed, it was silly after all "No I guess not."

Harry began to tuck into the breakfast she had prepared, while Hermione simply sipped her coffee.

"So what's the plan for today? Do you wanna call by the Burrow – I said to Jamie we could go sometime this week?"

"Actually we need to stay in." Hermione said.

"Ok but why?"

"I've got a surprise-"

"For me?" Harry said, hopefully.

"No" Hermione said smiling "it's for Jamie. And anyway I thought you had to go into the office today."

Harry crashed back to earth from the cloud he had been sitting on. "Well- I do. But I can go anytime – no rush."

"Won't Kingsley be mad? I mean you have spent a lot of time at home recently."

"He'll get over it. Besides he has a family – he'll understand."

They both looked at each other and smiled.

"So what's this surprise for Jamie?"

"You got a surprise for me Mum?" Squealed Jamie, running into the kitchen, and nearly colliding with the table.

"Yes – but its just that Jamie Potter – a surprise. So no questions." Jamie was beaming at them both so much, they couldn't help but smile at him.

"Ok" Jamie said, sitting and helping himself to toast. "But Mum?"

"Yes Jamie?" Hermione said, knowing what was coming.

"You know my surprise?" said the hopeful little voice.

"Yes Jamie?"

"Can you fly on it?"


	27. The Intruder

Chapter 27

**The Intruder**

After Hermione had categorically assured her son that the surprise had nothing to do with brooms or Quidditch, he had retired to his room. Harry had asked her what the surprise was, but since their trip to Hogsmeade she didn't trust Jamie not to have any extendable ears about his person so she had refused to say. Mid-morning Harry had received an owl from the Ministry informing him that there was a lunch time meeting that he _would_ be at, and so he'd had to leave to prepare for that. All Hermione would tell him was that there would be extra guests at dinner, which led to Jamie appearing from nowhere trying to guess who would be arriving, and Hermione confiscating Jamie's collection of extendable ears.

Harry had apparated straight into his office at the Ministry, a privilege only afforded to a few, and had begun to work on his long-overdue report. He was bored; before his work had interested him greatly, and to some extent it still did, but he found that now he knew about Jamie and had Hermione back in his life, he'd rather be with them than stuck in an office.

The meeting was predictably boring and long considering they were only discussing a rogue group of death eaters based in Hong Kong. Kingsley was characteristically not impressed by Harry's lack of enthusiasm, but since Ron actually fell asleep during the meeting, Harry remained fairly unscathed from Kingsley's bad temper. After the meeting Ron had to rush off, but on his way out did yell that he would see Harry at dinner that evening. A few others came to congratulate Harry on becoming a father. Harry assumed that Ron must have told them and as odd as it felt being congratulated on a son that would soon turn eight, a wave of happiness and contentment flowed through him each time someone shook his hand.

By the time Harry apparated home he was fully recovered from the meeting, and feeling extremely pleased with life. He walked into the kitchen and watched for a few minutes as Hermione struggled to sort out what seemed to be a cake. He laughed and she turned to him-

"Like to see you do better Mr Potter!"

"Why certainly Miss Granger" Harry said, pulling her into his arms and kissing her passionately. They were there for a few minutes when Harry sensed someone else in the room. He pulled away from her, expecting to have to explain to his son why he was kissing Hermione. Only it wasn't Jamie. It was a man.


	28. Not What I Was Expecting

A/N: Sorry for the delay in updating – my computer's been down. Hopefully I'll be able to update fairly regularly from now on. Only a few more chapters after this – let me know what you think!

Chapter 28

**Not what I was Expecting**

Harry had his wand pointed directly at the man's throat before Hermione even realised anything was wrong. The man looked shocked and raised his hands in a submissive gesture, but stared at Harry and seemed unable to speak. Hermione looked up from Harry's neck and seeing him angry turned to face what he was staring at. Harry was more than ready to strike; an intense rage seemed to wash over him as he realised there was an intruder in his house, with his family, in his house. But when Hermione saw him she yelled – but she yelled his name-

"Euan!" She left Harry and ran up to him and gave him a hug. Harry knew he ought to feel better that Hermione knew who this intruder was, and the fact that she was hugging him clearly showed he was no threat to them. But it didn't make him feel better. _It made his blood boil_. She hugged him and he hugged her back, old friends Harry thought. He didn't like it.

"Hey Hermione... er- didn't expect such a welcome." Euan said, looking at Harry who still had his wand pointed directly at Euan's throat. Hermione turned around, a puzzled expression on her face. She saw.

"Harry! Put that down" she said, half-laughing like he was being ridiculous. She turned back to the man as Harry lowered his wand. He didn't however, put the wand down.

"It's so good to see you Euan. How've you been? How's the new job?" Hermione was clearly pleased to see him, but looked confused when she realised he was still staring at Harry. Harry was staring back.

"Euan?" Hermione said.

"Sorry" he said turning his attention to her "I-erm. Well- I." He breathed out. "Well- Mary told me of course. That you were living with Jamie's father." He was staring at Harry again. "I just- well I didn't expect him to er... well be Harry Potter!"

"Oh" Hermione said, realisation hitting her. "Yeah – well. Oh Sorry Harry – this is Euan Reeves. He's an old friend of mine from Paris."

"Right" Harry said, not half as enthusiastically as Hermione had.

"And Euan this Harry – Jamie's father." The two men shook hands uneasily.

"Wonderful to meet you Harry – read all about you of course. Brilliant." Euan seemed genuinely dumbfounded and impressed at meeting Harry; Harry was not feeling impressed at Euan being there.

"Sorry about the fright I must have given you – thought you would of heard me calling ahead from the fireplace. But you were obviously- er – well busy." Euan flushed as did Hermione. Harry, however, was simply irritated.

"Don't worry about it Euan honestly. Is Mary following you on?" Hermione asked brightly.

"Yeah – she'll be here in an hour or so – just finishing off at the Prophet." Euan replied.

"Ok – I'll fetch the boys while you guys get to know each other. Harry can you sort out drinks?"

"Sure" Harry said, and turned to Euan "So- Euan. What can I get you to drink?" He knew his voice was forced, but hoped Euan and particularly Hermione, wouldn't notice. It seemed Euan didn't.

"Firewhisky if you've got it Harry thanks."

"Sure – here you go" Harry said pouring the drinks. "So- is Mary you're girlfriend?"

"Oh goodness no – we've been happily married for nearly fifteen years now."

"Oh" Harry said, warming to Euan. "Did 'Mione say she was fetching the boys? – is your son here too?"

"Yes – Jonathan. He's playing with Jamie no doubt – best of friends they are, despite the small age gap."

"Yeah – Jamie's mentioned Jon a couple of hundred times." They laughed. Maybe this won't be so bad after all thought Harry.

xxxxx

Harry had managed to get through the hour without grinding his teeth too many times. Euan seemed nice enough; pleasant to talk to, even if he was a definite 'boy who lived' fan. That didn't mean that Harry felt any better when Jamie came to greet Euan and threw his arms around him like some long lost father-figure.

Ron, Luna and little Arthur arrived, bearing a Quiche that Luna assured all that she had made herself. Harry introduced them to Euan and Jon and explained (twice to Ron) that they were waiting for Mary to join them before they ate. Once Harry let himself relax he found himself having quite a good time. Euan was a bit bookish – but then that quality had never really bothered Harry. Jon was delightful – he, and thus Jamie, took to trailing Harry around asking for stories about Hogwarts. Harry had indulged them until Hermione had found him telling them about the time he and Ron had taken Ron's fathers car and drove themselves to Hogwarts. Hermione was not impressed and told the boys to go play in the garden until it was time for dinner.

The drama of the evening was provided by Mary's arrival. She had flooed in and was immediately enveloped in hugs from Jon and Jamie and then Hermione. Then Euan gave her a big hug and kiss. And then she saw Harry.

"Bloody Hell!" She yelled. "Harry Potter!"

"Er- Hi." Said Harry, he'd half been expecting something like this but that didn't mean he was looking forwards to it. He went to shake her hand.

Mary looked totally flabbergasted. She looked towards her husband for confirmation that this was really Harry Potter; he just carried on smiling and nodded. Then she looked at Hermione, who seemed to be busy watching her feet. "Hermione?" Mary said accusingly.

"Glad you could make it Mary." Hermione said brightly.

"Yeah its really could to see you Aunt Mary." Said Jamie; Hermione used the excuse as a diversion to go check on the dinner. Since Euan had begun introducing Mary to Ron and Luna, Harry followed her. He'd expected that Mary wouldn't know about him, since Euan clearly hadn't, but he'd not expected that Hermione would be bothered about it. Like she was ashamed of him or something.

He found her in the kitchen-

"'Mione?"

"Yeah I'll be out in a minute – just checking on the dessert."

"The dessert's fine – you know it is. What's going on? Why doesn't Mary know that I'm Jamie's father – I thought you were best friends?"

"I didn't tell anyone Harry – you know that."

"So I wouldn't find out?" She nodded guiltily. He felt sick; he wished they'd all go home so he could have a nice evening in with Hermione.

"Harry?" said Mary's voice from the doorway "There's Professor McGonagall's head in the fireplace – she needs a word with you if that's ok. Oh- and you'd better tell Jamie – he keeps calling her Aunt Min... Although to be honest I don't think she minds."

"Right – thanks" Harry said to her, and with a last look at Hermione he retreated to the living room.

"Did you know your son – the boy I've known all his life, is calling our old Professor Aunt Min?" Hermione nodded, willing the ground to open up and swallow her. "And then of course, he's talking about some Grandpa named Albie that I've never heard of either."

"That's what he called Dumbledore." Hermione said quietly.

"Professor Dumbledore! Professor Dumbledore! Bloody hell – why am I surprised – he is Harry Potter's son!" Mary was clearly upset that her friend had not told her about a substantial part of her life.

Hermione didn't know what to say- "I'm sorry I didn't tell you" was all she could manage.

"Why didn't you – were you afraid I'd splash the news all over the wizarding world?" Mary, like Hermione, was a reporter, who now worked for the Daily Prophet. "I mean its going to come out – it'll be a scandal just because it's 'the boy who lived' – you do know that don't you?"

Hermione nodded. She knew it alright, she just didn't want to deal with it that's all.

"You really thought I'd do that to you?" Mary said hurt-

"No!" Hermione said "I-just meant that I know its going to be a scandal – of course I don't think you would do that."

Mary sighed – "So all those times you talked about Jamie's father – how you left him to give him a break and everything – it was really Harry Potter all along." She said it more for her own understanding than anything else, but Hermione nodded anyway.

"So you're still in love with him?" Hermione nodded.

"Blimey Hermione. You do know how to surprise a girl don't you." Mary sighed again, and then smiled at her. "Come on – lets get on with this dinner, then we can send the blokes out with the kids and really talk about this." Hermione smiled and started to follow her out of the kitchen.

"Just one question though" Mary said, stopping.

"What?"

"Are you guys-" But she didn't need to go on – Hermione had a huge grin on her face that spoke volumes.


	29. Feeling Settled

Chapter 29

**Feeling Settled**

A few weeks had passed since that awkward dinner had taken place and Hermione found that time was passing quickly. Jamie had started at his new school and had settled in quickly. Harry was back at work, although he was keeping much more sociable hours and was often home before Jamie. Mary had tried to get Hermione a job at the Prophet, but found she didn't have enough of a reputation yet to be able to get her anything decent. She had assured Hermione that if she was allowed to name-drop the name of her 'boyfriend' then she could get Hermione a job instantly; but Hermione had said no to this straight away. Hermione had decided to keep busy and still wrote articles to fill her days. In the end it had been Luna who got her a job; her Father may have been approaching retirement age, but he was still firmly in charge of The Quibbler and when Luna had mentioned a friend in need of a writing job he'd agreed to take them on a trial basis. She had submitted three pieces to Mr Lovegod and was delighted that all had been accepted; although she did find it ironic that she was pleased that she'd gotten something published in a newspaper that she had once considered to be totally full of drivel.

Both her and Harry seemed please with the way their new relationship was progressing. At first they had both been afraid that they would get too clingy with each other, but once they had talked this through they were both much happier. They slept together most nights, but Harry was careful to creep out of Hermione's room before Jamie woke up. They still hadn't told anyone officially and Jamie still didn't know, but Hermione had confided in Ginny and Mary and then Luna, while Harry had chosen only to tell Ron, who was immensely pleased for them both.

They were very happy as was Jamie, and it showed. Harry was staring to feel like he had a real family and went everywhere with a huge smile on his face. Jamie was excelling at school, and getting keener to learn how to fly as each day passed and Hermione finally felt settled. She had been afraid that she and Harry would end up like her parents, bitter and resentful and definitely not friends, and so had avoided anything that might provoke an argument; but Harry had seen this coming. One night he deliberately needled her and they had an argument at the dinner table. She was shocked when she realised what she was doing, but she noticed Jamie wasn't afraid by their bickering- in fact he looked quite amused. She had realised that Harry had got her, but it did make her realise that just because they'd argued didn't mean that they wouldn't make up, didn't mean that they wouldn't be friends and didn't mean that Jamie would feel unsettled or unhappy. They had argued and bickered a few times since then, but like the old days made sure they never went to bed angry. Both felt happy and content with their new life; each marvelling that life could be like this, for their own reasons.

They were even planning on going away on holiday together, and had finally decided on Paris, since Jamie and Hermione both missed it and Harry had never really been. Harry had gone in early to the Ministry to ask Kingsley if he could take a long weekend off work, and one of Jamie's new friends had called for him early, so he had gone to school. This left Hermione at home on her own, reading through the Prophet and the Quibbler. Dumbledore had managed to smooth over the scandal by now; he had been the one to announce Jamie's existence to the work and had asked that the papers leave them all alone to get used to their new family. Ensuring that Jamie wasn't bothered at school wasn't a problem, since many of the children that attended also had famous parents. For about a week, there had been press camped outside of the Ministry and Hermione and Harry both felt thankful that they couldn't find them at home; there was simply too much magic protecting Grimmauld Place for reporters to attempt to find them. The press then found a more interesting story about an ex-Minister for Magic committing fraud, and hadn't really bothered them that much. Hermione found though, that she still preferred to read the papers cover-to-cover, just in case anything was written about them. This morning she had found a story about 'the boy that lived' buying a new suit and one for his son, which Hermione knew were for Ginny's upcoming wedding, but luckily the papers didn't know about yet, as well as some comments in the editorial about Hermione being the luckiest witch in Britain; stories she assumed she'd just have to get used to.

All of a sudden she felt sick. She wondered if the comments in the paper had upset her or even if the milk she had in her coffee that morning was fresh; but as she was wondering she was also running to the bathroom. She made it just in time and proceeded to throw up her breakfast and perhaps some of her supper from the night before. She felt awful and decided to just go to bed. When Harry woke her just after lunch, to say they wouldn't be able to get away at least until after Ginny's wedding, she felt better and didn't think about it again that day.

But then she was sick again the next morning.

A/N: I know some have you have already guessed the next part, but unfortunately thinks aren't going to be that straight forward.


	30. Something Scary

A/N: Sorry for the long wait. The story is drawing to a close now and I think there's probably only three or four chapters to go after this update. Thanks for the reviews – they really keep me going. And yes – to practically everyone who reviewed – you are all right. And no – things are not going to be that simple. At least not yes ï 


	31. For The Best

Chapter 31

**For the Best**

"Hiya Harry – how's it going?" Ron Weasley asked his best friend, slapping him on the back and taking a seat next to him.

Harry mumbled an "ok" and continued to stare at his drink. Ron looked between him and the nearly empty glass containing dregs of Firewhisky, noticed the time and frowned. The days of Harry drinking during the day had seemed to be over when he found out about Jamie.

"You and Hermione had a fight?" Ron asked soothingly.

"No". _Great – one word answers – must be bad._

"What then?" Ron questioned gently, after ordering a drink. _Not Firewhisky during the day Ronald – you know how it affects you_ came the voice, eerily sounding like a mixture of his wife and his mother.

It took Harry a long time to answer, and when he did, he did so without looking at Ron.

"... I did it again." He said it quietly, his voice full of hurt and emotion. "...I've screwed it up again."

"What do you mean? Things with Hermione? – I thought everything was going well – you guys seemed so happy – what happened?" Ron was genuinely shocked.

"I don't know how I managed it. But I did." His voice was bitter, now, a sign of his rising frustration, and also of the depth of pain he was feeling. "She doesn't want me anymore. The only times she's spoken to me or even looked at me, is when she's had to-when Jamie's there. I forced her into coming back... and she... I thought I was making her happy – I thought she wanted me... that she loved me... but she doesn't Ron – she can't even bear to be in the same room as me. She doesn't want me Ron – it was all about the guilt. The guilt of keeping Jamie from me, so she gave me what I wanted – a family – and now she regrets it. She doesn't want me – I'm making her so unhappy..."

It had all come spiralling out, and shocked Ron. He knew there was more, but Harry had seemed to remember where he was and abruptly shut up. He'd returned to his drink when Ron came back to planet earth, wondering how on earth he was going to sort this out.

xxxxx

Ron had sobered him up and basically told him to pull himself together and talk to Hermione. He'd told him he wasn't going to get anywhere, sitting in the middle of the pub feeling sorry for himself, which hadn't worked. And then Ron had told him that if he was just going to sit there and let his family fall apart, then maybe he deserved to loose them. That worked. So he'd decided to skip the rest of work Kingsley wouldn't mind, since he wasn't actually there and Ron had agreed to cover for him and go home and talk to Hermione. Starting with why she lied to him about having a 'headache' the night before. _If she didn't want to sleep with me, all she had to do was say and I'd have slept in my room – she knows that so why lie?_

He apparated in, and was surprised to find Ginny and Hermione sat at the table in the kitchen, discussing the forthcoming wedding. He tried to be interested, but all he wanted to do was talk with Hermione, so he felt guilty at wanting Ginny to leave.

"Have you sorted the seating plan Gin? Your Mum said you were having some trouble getting some relatives sat far enough away?"

They all laughed; Molly had indeed been flustered about fitting all of the Weasley clan into one wedding hall, particularly as it was commonplace at a Weasley Wedding to have at least one duel resulting in severe or hilarious depending on your point of view results.

"All sorted now Harry. It was actually Dad who managed to figure out how to seat everyone, although Fred and George helped so I think I'm gonna check it out again, just to make sure they haven't placed all the volatile relatives on one table. How come your back so early anyways?"

"Oh-"

"Was it to check on Hermione?"

Hermione started to choke on her biscuit.

"Why would I need to check on Hermione?" Harry asked Ginny, although his gaze was firmly resting on Hermione, who now had her back to him.

"Well she was sick earlier-"

"Are you ok? Did you 'floo a healer?" Harry asked walking towards Hermione, confusion giving way to concern. She turned to look at him-

"I'm fine – It was just a little 'flu that's all – I feel fine now. No need to bother a healer." She turned away from him, glanced at Ginny and busied herself with the kettle. Harry felt guilty for thinking that she faked the headache and was worried that she was ill. He decided quickly, that now probably wasn't the best time to talk to her.

"I'll go change my robes then." Harry said, quietly, still looking at her.

"Ok." She replied, her back once again towards him. He walked out of the room, and she immediately felt less tense. She poured her and Ginny another drink, and turned to face her friend who had a very odd expression on her face.

"You and Harry ok?" Ginny said, the expression on her face unchanging.

"Fine."

"You seem... distant."

"No – we're fine. Did you-"

"You seem distant like _before_." Ginny had said it with purpose, she was looking right at her with a determined look on her face and Hermione had a sinking feeling she knew where this conversation was going.

"I'm sure I don't-"

"And I'm sure you do Hermione Granger. This morning I walk in on you throwing your guts up. You've been miserable and preoccupied, and I've caught you crying three times. And now you and Harry-"

"Harry and I are fine Ginny – drop it."

"You are - aren't you." It wasn't a question, more a statement of fact, and Hermione found she couldn't deny it to her; she just let the tears roll down her face.

xxxxx

By the time Harry came down the stairs, the pair had adjourned to the living room. They were sat sipping tea on the couch, and Ginny turned and smiled when he walked into the room.

"You were a while." Ginny said to him. Hermione didn't look up from the book, and Harry's mood worsened.

"Sorry – you weren't waiting for me were you?" Harry asked, noticing a new pile of buns on a nearby coffee table.

"No – just wondering that's all."

He smiled at her and an uncomfortable silence rested in the room. Harry miserably thought he should of stayed upstairs.

"Harry?" Ginny said to him. He looked at her politely. "Would you mind fetching me my magazine from the kitchen?" He could of easily summoned the thing, but then so could she, so Harry got up in a bewildered state and went to fetch the magazine from the kitchen. Hermione had looked up when Ginny spoke, and now wore a scared expression as she looked at her friend.

"...Ginny – you won't will you. You promised – I explained – I need time- I will tell him – I just want to deal with it my way for a while." Ginny looked grimly resolved-

"I know Hermione." Was all she said.

"So you won't will you- he won't want- I need some space that's all..." She was rambling and they both knew it "Promise? Ginny please promise – you know how I feel – please? It's for the best - Please?" Hermione pleaded, stopping when she heard Harry approaching.

Ginny stood up, quickly followed by an anxious Hermione and Harry sensed something was going on. Ginny smiled warmly at Hermione and gave her a huge hug. Harry noticed that Hermione seemed to relax.

"Hermione you know I love you. You've always been my big sister – the one person I can talk to when my stupid brothers are doing my head in. The first person I told about Mark and the last person I would ever intentionally hurt." Hermione smiled at her and the pair hugged again. "I love you and I want you to be happy." Ginny moved towards the fireplace and grabbed a handful of powder-

"Harry?" Ginny said; he looked up as did Hermione. "I love you too – and I want you to be happy as well." He smiled at her. "I want you both to be happy, and this is for the best." She was talking to herself more than them, and Hermione seemed to realise just too late-

"She's pregnant Harry – that's why she's acting oddly. Being distant and pushing you away – she's afraid. She needs you to be the strong one – don't let her insecurities push you away – fight for her..."

Hermione looked mortified as she continued to stare at Ginny and Harry simply looked shocked as his head spun to look at Hermione, his mouth hanging open. Tears rolled down Hermione's face, and Ginny swallowed hard-

"It's for the best Hermione." She said before flooing away, leaving the scene behind her. "It really is," she added quietly.


	32. Surviving

A/N Sorry for the delay!

Chapter 32

**Surviving**

"Pregnant?" Harry said weakly.

Hermione felt like she couldn't breathe. She couldn't believe Ginny. She couldn't believe Ginny would tell him. She promised. She couldn't look at him. Couldn't move. Tears were rolling down her face, but she wouldn't cry in front of him; she wouldn't start now. _Pull yourself together. _She linked her hands together and tried to blank it out, make it go away. He was talking, saying things but she didn't want to hear. She couldn't cope with it she just wanted out. She ran.

If she'd been thinking she would have realised that she didn't stand a chance of getting away. Before she'd even got to the door he was in front of her-

"Hermione! Talk to me!" he was pleading; pleading with her. She was hurting him again and she couldn't cope. She couldn't cause him more pain, she loved him so much it was like hurting herself. _Only you deserve it._ He stood before her, hands on her upper arms holding her gently when she lost it. She broke then and couldn't take it. She sobbed. She cried and cried, great whimpers of pain coming from her and he just held her. She collapsed into his arms crying and he held her tighter and stroked her hair lovingly. Over and over again he said soothing words to her, stroked her hair and held her tightly. She clutched him, tired of running from it and just needed him. He rocked her back and forth gently, as you might as grieving child and willed her to feel how much he loved her.

xxx

It was a long time later when Harry guided her gently towards the couch. She was still crying, but silently now, no longer sobbing. He sat her down but she wouldn't look at him. He sat and lent back into the couch, drawing her into his arms. She didn't resist, and after a few seconds she snuggled into him. He carried on stroking her hair, and from time to time kissed the top of her head. Eventually she relaxed a little more. He could sense she might fall asleep and he couldn't let her – it would be another way of avoiding talking and they had to discuss this now.

"Hermione?"

No reply.

"Sweetheart – I know you're awake... we need to talk about this."

She nodded, but didn't say anything. Nor did she move from where she was resting in Harry's arms.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She didn't answer straight away. It was killing him waiting, but somehow he knew he had to let her tell him in her own time.

"I didn't want it to change... I just wanted it to stay the same...we were happy..."

"You think that's going to change? You think that we won't be happy anymore?"

"You won't want-"

"Won't want what?" he said, no longer soothingly but sharply. He couldn't believe she'd doubt him. He sat up and made her look at him.

"All of it." She said, looking at him. He saw the sadness and grief, and felt a tidal wave of guilt as he realised that it was his fault she felt like that, it was his fault because he got her pregnant, and she clearly didn't want to be.

"I don't understand." He said dimly.

"... It's not all good Harry. It's not like Jamie. They don't just pop out all well mannered and happy. They don't want to play in their room sometimes or have friends over so you get time to yourself. There's no life until their a bit older. It's hard work, and long nights and being sick and in pain, and crying and dirty nappies. Its not all good-"

"I realise that Hermione-"

"-then why don't you understand. I want you to be happy. I don't want you to be stressed and tired out all the time. I don't want you to feel resentful or moody all the time because I stupidly forgot to take a contraceptive potion. I don't want you to be trapped. I just... I just want you to be happy..."

"Why wouldn't I be happy?" Harry asked, never more uncertain about anything until now. "Why do you think I'd feel trapped?"

"That's what children do to people." Hermione said simply.

Something twigged in his mind as he asked softly "Is that how you feel about Jamie?"

"No! Of course not-"

"-Do you think that's how I feel about Jamie?" Harry asked her.

"No." she said quietly. "But-"

"-But what?" She didn't answer. "You think I'll resent you for getting pregnant? That I'll feel trapped by a baby?" She nodded. "Because that's how you father felt." The tears rolled down her face as she nodded again. "So- now you know I'm happier with Jamie – with you and Jamie in my life you've decided that I'm suddenly going to turn into your Dad." He took her hand in his. "I am not your father Hermione. I won't feel trapped, or resentful or angry, I'm not going to be anymore moody than I am now, and if I ever am moody it won't be our child's fault. If I'm stressed it'll probably because of work or something else equally unimportant – it won't be our child's – our children's fault." He watched as his words sunk in, but wasn't sure they really did. "Hermione – I know it's a shock, I know its sudden and maybe this isn't the best timing in the world but I don't care-" Her tear-stained eyes met his "-I want this baby. I want another member of our family." She cried again and returned to his arms, only she cried in relief and he could tell the difference. He held her more tightly and realised for the first time that her childhood might just have been as screwed up as his.


	33. Discussing

Chapter 33

**Discussions**

"Are you sure you understand sweetheart?" Hermione asked soothingly.

"Yes Mummy I think so." Little Jamie Potter replied happily "You're going to have a baby and I'm going to get a new brother or sister."

She felt Harry smile even though she was facing her son; she couldn't help it and smiled as well; Harry's smile was always infectious.

"So do you have any questions?" Hermione said delicately, as Harry choked a little on his pumpkin juice. Jamie seemed to be thinking about that as his Father shifted uncomfortably in his seat; Hermione knew Harry was feeling nervous about possibly having to explain the 'birds and the bees' to his son.

Jamie cleared his throat "Well......."

Hermione tried not to laugh as she felt Harry gulp quietly "Yes sweetheart?"

"Are you gonna get fat?" Jamie asked, a confused look on his face.

Hermione looked a little shocked as she raised her eyebrows and replied, "Yes I suppose so why?"

"Well Uncle Ron told me that Auntie Luna got fat when she was having baby Arthur."

"Well women put a little weight on when they have a baby." Harry said, realising he should partake in the conversation.

"That's what Uncle Ron said, but Auntie Luna still hit him on the head when he said she was fat."

Hermione looked away and smiled, while Harry commented "Well sometimes Uncle Ron's not very sensitive and says things without thinking; Auntie Luna probably didn't like to hear that Uncle Ron thought she was fat."

"Even if she was fat?"

"Yes."

"Oh." Jamie said, pondering this information. "Uncle Ron also said that when Auntie Luna was pregnant she had lots of _hormines_ that made her cross a lot. Will you get those Mummy?"

Hermione was really trying to bite back a smile when Harry spoke-

"They're called _Hormones_Jamie, and your Mum might get some of those but if we're really supportive then hopefully she won't get too cross." He avoided looking at her so he couldn't see if she glared at him or not.

"Ok Dad" Jamie said and went to give his Mum a huge hug. Hermione held him tightly and smiled.

xxx

Jamie had been sworn to secrecy and Ginny obviously knew, but they waited until after Ginny's wedding to tell everyone; Hermione didn't want to upstage the bride after all. It seemed to be common knowledge that Harry and Hermione were back together, so they didn't try to hide that, but Hermione had to stop Harry telling them all about the baby on several occasions. Now that he knew she was happy enough about the baby, he went about with a huge grin on his face that wouldn't come off. She couldn't help but smile at him, feeling happier than ever before and extremely thankful for Ginny's intervention. They'd talked and talked about Hermione's insecurities and Harry'd reassured her so many times, she was actually starting to believe it was real.

He came home from work early, two days after the wedding and brought her flowers. A muggle tradition that Hermione liked, but was also suspicious of. He kissed her on the cheek and offered the flowers; she took them and looked right into his eyes since they were avoiding looking at her.

"Thank you." Hermione said and he kissed her on the cheek again. "But what are they for?" she asked him, noticing that he still wouldn't look right at her. He shifted a little uncomfortably in his own shoes, a sign of nervousness that she did not miss.

"... Erm..." was all he managed the first time. "...Let's sit at the table." He accomplished on his next attempt at speaking. They sat at the table, Hermione staring at him and he smiled a small smile at her.

"I kinda... erm... _toldsomeone_."

"What?" she said; he'd mumbled but she knew him well enough to know what he said.

He sighed in defeat and said "I kinda told someone about the baby." And then as an afterthought "sorry." He seemed to wait for some kind of explosion or at least a reaction, but none was forthcoming; Hermione seemed to be contemplating what to say. After a minute she took his hand-

"Who'd you tell?" she asked, knowing the answer.

"Ron." He said, still surprised she wasn't yelling; he'd promised they'd wait to tell everyone together. She moved to get up, and thinking she was leaving he made to follow her, but she pushed him back on the seat and sat in his lap. Her arms snaked around his neck and she kissed him deeply. Eventually she stopped it, a smile on both their faces and she hugged him tightly-

"You can tell whoever you like about the baby." She said softly, feeling his smile.

"I thought you wanted to wait 'til after Gin's wedding-"

She interrupted "-Harry – you know that big party we went to a few days ago – everyone dressed up, good band, lots to drink..." He smiled at her even more if that were possible, making a noise to indicate he remembered- "well that _was_ Ginny's wedding... so now you can tell whoever you like." She kissed his nose and he held her really tightly, suddenly lifting her and carrying her up the stairs.

"Jamie's not home yet is he?" he enquired.

She smiled at him and shook her head. "Good" he said, kissing her and carrying her into their bedroom.

xxx

When she'd said he could tell everyone, she knew he would tell all their friends and family, she just didn't expect them all to arrive that very evening. They were all delighted, as was Jamie and especially Harry, and Hermione found herself watching them all in wonder; they were her family. It made her smile and a tear roll down the side of her cheek. Harry saw and was worried; he went to her side and enveloped her in a hug.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concerned. She smiled a tremendous smile at his, turning in his arms to face him and look into those beautiful eyes.

"Nothing." She said, another tear rolling down her smiling face "I'm just happy that's all." He smiled at her and kissed her deeply, knowing they were being watched by the crowd, but uncaring.

xxx

"I hate you Harry Potter!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, and not for the first time he felt a little more than anxious.

"It's normal." The healer said, reassuringly and he nodded, continuing to hold her hand and occasionally mop her brow. A few minutes later she grabbed hold of him, saying she was sorry and she didn't mean it; he reassured her, kissed her and told her he loved her; that he wasn't going anywhere. He felt like it had been going for days and he was worried; she seemed in so much pain.

"At the next one, push Hermione" the healer said, and Hermione gripped his hand tighter. He wondered if he'd done the right thing, by not talking her out of having the baby the 'muggle way'; but she'd insisted – that's how she'd had Jamie, that's how she was having this one. Harry felt physically sick at the thought of her doing this alone, as he brushed a strand of hair from her eyes. The pain started again and the healer told her to push; she did, and Harry felt her nails digging into his hand as he urged her to push as well.

To say it was like nothing he'd ever seen before was certainly an understatement. He couldn't form a coherent sentence for ages after the healer said the words "It's a girl." He was smiling and crying and felt totally exhilarated. He kissed Hermione in gratitude, their eyes meeting for a second, both filled with so much love, before they both returned them to their daughter.

The healer passed the little bundle, already marked by the unruly jet-black hair, to her mother. Hermione held her, while Harry stroked his daughter's hair, tears still streaming down both smiling faces. After a while Hermione kissed the top of her head, and looked at Harry. He was still beaming, but had a questioning look in his eyes when she looked at him.

"Do you need something sweetheart?" he asked, ready to run out and slay a dragon if she wanted him to.

"No – she does." Hermione said smiling. His brows drew together at her words, his insecurities at being a useless father, briefly returning to the surface.

"She wants a cuddle from her Dad." Hermione said smiling and watching as he took their child into his arms. He was so gentle with her, holding her as if she might break. Hermione lay back in the bed, watching them both with a smile on her face. Harry was staring at their little girl in pure wonder and amazement; he held her little fingers and stroked her cheek and marvelled that Hermione could give him something so precious. Her yawning voice broke him out of his reverie-

"Now all we have to do is decide what to call her..."


	34. Bliss

Chapter 34

**Bliss**

"Ron and Ginny." He said.

"Agreed." She replied.

"That's all then – sorted." Harry said, leaving the desk to join her on the couch. She snuggled into him, and they lay there smiling; contented.

"Did you ask Dumbledore?" Hermione said half-asleep.

"Yeah – said he'd be delighted." They stayed like that until a small eight year old boy appeared at the side of them, not saying anything but looking at them excitedly. Harry was the first to notice, since Hermione had her eyes shut.

"You alright son?" Harry asked, smiling up at his near double image. Jamie nodded, a smile fixed on his face. Hermione opened her eyes and found her son in a Chudley Cannons uniform, and as she opened her mouth to say something, a look of pure horror crossed her sons face-

"But Mum you promised! You promised I could today – Please!" He begged "Dad!" he said, hoping for some back up.

"You did promise 'Mione" Harry said quietly, smiling. She sat up, indignantly-

"I know I did – I wasn't going to say I'd changed my mind-"

"Really?" Jamie said beaming "Promise?"

"I promise-" Hermione began, but was cut off by her son hurtling himself at her and wrapping her up in a hug.

"Thanks" He said happily, making both his parents smile.

"Just - you'll need a coat on." Hermione said resolutely, at which her son drew back and started to protest, but realising it was useless, headed for the closet.

"He really doesn't need a coat honey – the gardens enchanted so it won't be cold-" But Harry was cut off by a loud squeal, and a huge grin from Hermione. Jamie ran back into the room, complete with a newly acquired international standard racing broom and launched himself at his parents.

"Thanks! Thanks! My own broom! My OWN BROOM!!!" he yelled at them, and they laughed back. "Dad can we go now? Please? Please?" Jamie said, loudly.

Harry made to get up, when a crying noise from upstairs interrupted them. Jamie's face fell a little "Sorry – I didn't mean to wake her" he said to his parents.

"S'ok" Harry replied "I'll go"

"No you won't – I will" Hermione insisted smiling, shoving her two boys out to play "Just you make sure he doesn't break any bones Harry Potter!" she said, to which he kissed her, grabbed his son and broom and headed towards the garden.

"It's alright sweetheart – Mummy's coming" she called softly up the stairs. She got into the nursery and picked up her daughter, who stopped crying almost at once._ I'm so lucky_ she thought, beginning to feed her daughter. She sat back in the chair, and absently looked out of the window, and smiled at what she saw.

"Daddy's enchanted the window sweetheart – look we can see your brother getting ready to fly."

She watched from the nursery for hours, half-pleased and half-scared that Jamie seemed to be a natural, just like his father.

"You know this means Quidditch next" Harry said smiling, walking into the nursery and kissing Hermione and his daughter gently.

"Mmmnn" Hermione said, refusing to laugh; the very thought of her son playing Quidditch terrified the life out of her. Harry stood behind her and gently massaged her shoulders, she closed her eyes and relaxed.

"And wait 'til this little one wants to learn how to fly." Harry said teasingly.

"That won't be for another eight years so I won't worry about that too much just yet." She said smiling and Harry wrapped her up in a kiss.

xxx

"So it's all good?" Ron said to Harry, who nodded, and gazed lovingly towards Hermione.

"And you're going to ask her to marry you right?" Ron said, much as he had when Mark had told Ginny that he loved her. Harry smiled.

"Yes. We've talked about it and decided to wait 'til the baby's a bit older, so she can take part in the ceremony too."

"Well the ceremony today was good – not too long. Bloody good turn out too." Ron said stuffing food into his mouth. "And er- you know thanks." He added, slapping his hand on Harry's back "Right – better go see to those two kids of yours – Godfather duties and all" They both smiled and Harry retreated to the drinks table for another Butterbeer.

He felt the arms around his waist and turned to kiss Hermione. She was smiling, happier than he'd ever seen her and he silently vowed to keep it like that for the rest of his life.

"Happy?" he enquired, knowing the answer.

"Yes. You?" She countered, although this was also obvious. He smiled and kissed her passionately, forgetting for one minute that they were stood in the middle of their garden, surrounded by hundreds of guests. Luckily Ron interrupted by coughing loudly-

"_So_ sorry to interrupt you guys" he began sarcastically "But the photographer's ready to do the family portrait." They smiled and walked the short distance to where Jamie was stood, Luna passed the baby back to Hermione and the happy family assembled themselves ready for the photo.

"Dad?" Jamie asked "Me and Lily were wondering something."

"What's that then?" Harry asked.

"Can we have a brother and another sister?" the boy said sweetly, smiling into the camera. His parents both smiled, looked at each other and kissed.

"I don't think that should be a problem sweetheart," they said together.

**A/N: This is the final chapter - I hope you've liked the story and a big thank you to everyone who reviewed!**


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